Restless

Hello Lord
By Sara Groves

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

I have so many thoughts, but this song covers the majority of them. I want so much to know God's plans for me life. I know that I will be in Ames this coming year, but I don't know where I will be doing an internship in the spring. I hope to go to Africa soon but nothings for sure. I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate, which is less than a year away. I want to help the hurting and bring light to darkness, but how? where? when? why? Well not why. I know the why. "My commands is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

So...do I go to grad school, overseas, intern somewhere for a year here in the states, or do I stay in Ames? It's just plain confusing. I really wish I could do all four. They are all good and I could honor God doing them any of them, but somehow I have to come to choose just one. So God, what do you want? I ask this question every morning and after a few months of asking I still have no answer. So what's the next step?

I have almost come to terms with the fact that I might not know the answers to all the these questions for awhile. So for now I have decided focus on today, just like Jesus says to do. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 And guess what? When you listen to Jesus things get considerably better. Imagine that! :) I realized that I have enough things to work on today such as selfishness and patience. Those are more practical things to work on during the day then telling God the pluses and minuses of going to graduate school or where I would and wouldn't like to go. Does that mean that I stop praying about the future? No, but I try to divert my mind away from dwelling on it when I'm going throughout my day. Do I do it perfectly? Jesus knows better, but I'm learning! :) So for now I'm still confused, but I know God has a plan that I cannot possibly fathom that will probably happen while I'm living my daily life. Resulting in me almost missing what I have spent lots of time thinking about, but we'll see!

Human Trafficking/Orphan Stuff

Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
Proverbs 24:11-12

So at the orphan conference I went to a break-out session on human trafficking. Although I had learned about trafficking in the U.S. in one of my classes last semester, but my heart broke at this break-out session. I had just never heard these horrible stories before. I came home and wanted to learn more. Here are some of the things I have learned thus far. If you don't want to read this thing than just watch one or both videos.

• 6 min video

• a 19 year old's story

Here is a website with some random facts. Here are some of them:

• The AIDS epidemic in Africa has left many children orphaned, making them especially vulnerable to human trafficking.
• Brazil and Thailand are generally considered to have the worst child sex trafficking records.
• The FBI estimates that over 100,000 children and young women are trafficked in America today. They range in age from nine to 19, with the average being age 11. Many victims are not just runaways or abandoned, but are from “good” families who are coerced by cleaver traffickers.
• Human trafficking has been reported in all 50 states, Washington, D.C., and in some U.S. territories.
• Sex traffickers often recruit children because not only are children are more unsuspecting and vulnerable than adults, but there is also a high market demand for young victims. Traffickers target victims on the telephone, on the Internet, through friends, at the mall, and in after-school programs.
• According to the FBI, a large human-trafficking organization in California in 2008 not only physically threatened and beat girls as young as 12 to work as prostitutes, they also regularly threatened them with witchcraft.
• Some human traffickers recruit handicapped young girls, such as those suffering from Down Syndrome, into the sex industry.
• Victims of human trafficking suffer devastating physical and psychological harm. However, due to language barriers, lack of knowledge about available services, and the frequency with which traffickers move victims, human trafficking victims and their perpetrators are difficult to catch.
• Human trafficking is estimated to surpass the drug trade in less than five years. Journalist Victor Malarek reports that it is primarily men who are driving human trafficking, specifically trafficking for sex.
  
• Human trafficking is one of the fastest growing criminal enterprises because it holds relatively low risk with high profit potential. Criminal organizations are increasingly attracted to human trafficking because, unlike drugs, humans can be sold repeatedly.
• Family members will often sell children and other family members into slavery; the younger the victim, the more money the trafficker receives. For example, a 10-year-old named Gita was sold into a brothel by her aunt. The now 22-year-old recalls that when she refused to work, the older girls held her down and stuck a piece of cloth in her mouth so no one would hear her scream as she was raped by a customer. She would later contract HIV.
• Women are trafficked to the U.S. largely to work in the sex industry (including strip clubs, peep and touch shows, massage parlors that offer sexual services, and prostitution). They are also trafficked to work in sweatshops, domestic servitude, and agricultural work.
• Human trafficking victims face physical risks, such as drug and alcohol addiction, contracting STDs, sterility, miscarriages, forced abortions, vaginal and anal trauma, among others. Psychological effects include developing clinical depression, personality and dissociative disorders, suicidal tendencies, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Here is a few websites with more information:

• ZOE International
• read these stories of some prostitutes

Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
Proverbs 24:11-12

Not My Words

Hello Lord, it's me your child

I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering
~Sara Groves

Strength of my heart, I need not fail,
Not mine to fear but to obey,
With such a Leader, who could quail?
Thou art as Thou wert yesterday.
Strength of my heart, I rest in Thee,
Fulfill thy purposes through me.
~Amy Carmichael

Overwhelmed

The last two weeks have gone by so fast and I need to blog as a form of therapy. This could get lengthy, but here it goes.

Serena, Danbi, and I at supper before Danbi went back home. I was overwhelmed by how fast you can become good friends with someone, but then have to say good bye. Someday I hope to visit South Korea, but until then skype will have to due ;)

A trip to Ledges during finals week. Finals week was less stressful than the last, so I had a little more time to stop and reflect on what God has done the last year. I was overwhelmed by the way God intricately intertwined my life with certain people for specific lessons and some lessons that have yet to be learned. When at the bottom of the hills at Ledges I felt like I was standing in God's hand. I was so small yet so secure.

The week after finals 5 of us college students and a married couple from our church went to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit in Kentucky. Here, I was overwhelmed by the pain in the world. I was overwhelmed by information about HIV orphans, how to interact with children who have had trauma in their past, street children, human trafficking, and a WHOLE LOT more. I loved it!! This conference has forever changed me in ways that I am still learning.

I felt so blessed to have a group of people I was able to go there and experience it with. Some of my favorite quotes from the trip: "We'll talk about it later." "Sanitize it."

Lorie Me and Adrian
Jen and I

I came home for 24 hours after the summit and then embarked on a trip with 4 of my favorite people. On this trip I was overwhelmed by the love He has shown me through these 4 ladies who are very near and dear to my heart. We went to a friends graduation from high school (who will be coming to ISU next year!!) and then we went to my house. We then headed to Lanesburo, MN to do some camping and this was legit camping...like in tents, cooking outside, use the port-a-potty kind of camping. If you know me then you know this is kind of stretch, but I loved it!! There was lots of laughter, learning, and encouragement.

Anna, me, Megan, Jenny, Natalie and Nicole

Allow me to introduce to you, Tabitha. We took Tabitha, this six person bike, 10.1 miles to the neighboring town and then the 10.1 miles back for a total of 20.2. Let me point out that those engineering Tabitha probably only expected her to ridden 5 miles at time...at most. It took us 6 hours full of laughter, singing, cheering, talking (may be with different accents and thanks to Nicole different languages that are unidentifiable to the human race), and a little complaining may have come out of my mouth as I seemed to be the only one with the common sense that this trek should not be completed on a bike that looked like our dear Tabitha. There was a farmer in his tractor that was so shocked at the site of our trolley looking contraption riding down the bike path that we saw him laugh and immediately pick up his cell phone and call his wife.


So that brings me today. Today was supposed to be my catch up day. But I have spent over an hour looking at pictures and writing this. What I have learned the last few weeks is that I serve a BIG God and that He is always faithful and good. I am excited at what this summer will bring. I have a sneaking suspicion that this summer will bring more than I can possibly imagine and that my Father will do immeasurably more than I can possibly pray for.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Amy Carmichael

"If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider 'not spiritual work' I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interesting and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love."
-- Amy Carmichael

A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot is one of the most challenging and encouraging books I have ever read--still reading actually!! I love this quote because it is a clear picture that serving others--changing diapers, doing dishes, folding laundry, giving someone a ride--is not glamorous or clearly identifiably 'spiritual', but it shows people Jesus all the same.

Adoption

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.

Romans 8:15

At the bottom of my study Bible, it says, "The underlying work here is adoption. Adoption was common among the Greeks and Romans, who granted the adopted sons all the privileges of a natural son, including inheritance rights. Christians are adopted sons by grace; Christ, however, is God's Son by nature. Abba Father is the expression of an especially close relationship to God."

Lately I have been angry with my sin. Fed up with the way I think and act. I think of how people see me as a good person on the outside, but Jesus knows my heart. He knows my selfishness. He knows my pride. He knows everything. Yet as my screaming voice hung Him on that cross, He loved me. He pursues me. Me, a sinner who murdered Him. But He doesn't see me as a sinner. He sees me as His child because He has adopted me as His child. I call Him my Father. I get to experience His love, mercy, and hope because Jesus loved me even when I was screaming "Crucify Him!".

 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

It is that love that I lay down my life and say "Not my will, but yours be done." (Jesus said it first, Matt. 26:39) It is this love that has transformed my life. It doesn't mean I'm perfect. But it does mean I have a Father who will be there to pick me up when I fall. It does mean that if I find my strength in Him and walk in the path He has prepared for me that I can do anything. (Phil. 4:13)

For the above reasons, I LOVE adoption. I love orphans, because I see them as God saw me. I was angry, confused, lost, and lonely. Then He said, "I love you" and it changed my world. I want to tell orphans that Jesus loves them and let God change their world too. This is the deepest desire of my heart. That is why God has put me on this earth --to experience His love and share it with the orphaned.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Katie Davis

I gave my last speech today and it one to inspire. I talked about Katie Davis and here is what I said...

I know a woman who is a mother to 14. This woman has feed 1,600 children. This woman has provided schooling for 400 children. This woman is the founder and executive director of Amazima Ministries. This woman is 22 years old. For about a year, I have been reading her blogs. Today I want to talk about how this woman, has shown courage and selflessness to influence thousands of lives around her. When Katie left the U.S. 3 years ago she was like many of us. She was young and a little uncertain of what she wanted to do, but determined to make a difference. From Katie’s story, we can see what courage and selflessness can accomplish.

Katie was 18 years old when she first went to Uganda, Africa for short-term mission trip. Five months later after graduating high school, she was boarding a plane back to Uganda to teach kindergarten at an orphanage. It takes great courage for an 18 year old to leave behind a loving family, close friends, and a boyfriend she was madly in love with. She also left behind warm showers, eight hours of sleep, a comfortable bed, and air conditioning, but this is what she gained.

A mosquito net became her security blanket . The net helps her to avoid being bitten by mosquitoes carrying malaria, among other diseases. However, she still sleeps with crickets and ants. A rat the size of a house cat lives in her bathroom and bats live in her shower. She eats cornmeal boiled in water, which tastes like Elmer’s glue, for two meals a day.

However, after posting all this she writes about all the wonderful things that are happening in the children’s lives around her. She rejoices in that she gets to teach little children and love them in a way few people ever get a chance.

After two years of being in Africa, Katie courageously took on the responsibility of being the adopted mother of three homeless orphans, ages 5, 7, and 9. Becoming a mother at age 20, to three girls who have had numerous years of abandonment and abuse to deal with, is no small undertaking.

Selflessness is one of the qualities I saw most often in Katie’s posts. Katie frequently posted about sharing her bed with sick orphans. One orphan had a fever of 105 and dying from Malaria, but she woke up every hour to give the child a sponge bath and every four to give medicine.

Since that post, she has adopted 14 girls. They all call her mom and she cares for each of their needs. This means, if one of them wakes up in the middle of the night she lays with them until they go back to sleep. Since most of them have been abused in the past this happens frequently. Her youngest daughters have become her alarm clock, waking her up at the break of dawn.

Last week Katie opened up a free clinic in her front yard to the slum community of a nearby village. In selfless ambition, Katie has also started a sponsorship program that has grown to provide over 400 children with schooling for a whole year. She has also created a meal program, feeding over 1,600 children five days a week.

Most of us are only in our 20’s. Katie is clear example that you do not have to be old to make a difference. I want to do something impactful with my life. Katie’s story shows us that if you display courage and selflessness you can impact thousands. I am not saying that you need to go and strive to change the lives of 2,000 children, but when you turn 23 or if you are over 23, how many people will say or can say, that your courageous and selfless actions have impacted them?

So that's what I wrote. Her life emulates Jesus is a very evident way. That is a what I want my life to look like. "And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'" Matthew 25:40