Restless

Hello Lord
By Sara Groves

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

I have so many thoughts, but this song covers the majority of them. I want so much to know God's plans for me life. I know that I will be in Ames this coming year, but I don't know where I will be doing an internship in the spring. I hope to go to Africa soon but nothings for sure. I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate, which is less than a year away. I want to help the hurting and bring light to darkness, but how? where? when? why? Well not why. I know the why. "My commands is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

So...do I go to grad school, overseas, intern somewhere for a year here in the states, or do I stay in Ames? It's just plain confusing. I really wish I could do all four. They are all good and I could honor God doing them any of them, but somehow I have to come to choose just one. So God, what do you want? I ask this question every morning and after a few months of asking I still have no answer. So what's the next step?

I have almost come to terms with the fact that I might not know the answers to all the these questions for awhile. So for now I have decided focus on today, just like Jesus says to do. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 And guess what? When you listen to Jesus things get considerably better. Imagine that! :) I realized that I have enough things to work on today such as selfishness and patience. Those are more practical things to work on during the day then telling God the pluses and minuses of going to graduate school or where I would and wouldn't like to go. Does that mean that I stop praying about the future? No, but I try to divert my mind away from dwelling on it when I'm going throughout my day. Do I do it perfectly? Jesus knows better, but I'm learning! :) So for now I'm still confused, but I know God has a plan that I cannot possibly fathom that will probably happen while I'm living my daily life. Resulting in me almost missing what I have spent lots of time thinking about, but we'll see!