Fear

Restless
Audrey Assad
You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I wanna rest in You

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

"Still my heart, hold me close, let me hear a still small voice"

Fear and anxiety are by far my biggest sin struggle. I worry about things as silly as forgetting my phone at home, or getting all my assignments done, or serious things like future plans or the salvation of those whom I love. As dumb as it sounds I definitely worry about the small things far more than the big things. How backwards is that?? If at any moment I can't automatically find something to worry about, I search for something to be anxious about.

So what is the root of this worry and fear? Why do I worry? It is a lack of faith and trust? It is that I don't believe God is powerful enough? By not trusting Him I'm calling Him a liar. If I don't trust Him that I am saying Romans 8:28 is a lie. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I have tried to justify my fear. "Jesus, I really do have a lot to get done and I have too many church commitments" (my most frequent) or "How can You possibly get me out of this mess I have created?" or "I forgot to bring ___ last time, what if I forgot it again?" I have truly ruined numerous blessings and joyful moments of fun with my worrying.

But, I can honestly say that in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these situations God has proven Himself to be a good and faithful God, but He shouldn't have to. I just trust Him because every morning I wake up and read in His word about His faithfulness. I should trust Him because He is the God who created the world. I should trust Him because He died so that I could live in PERFECT PEACE.

So what is my response? I am working on the that :) Jesus has been faithful in teaching me and giving me peace if I consciously choose to take my thoughts captive, but honestly its hard. However, when I do surrender to Him and choose to seek His face in those moments of overwhelming fear, He meets me, and He rescues me. I think He loves those moments as much as I do because how would we know Light if we knew not darkness?