Here I am

Well folks, in a few months I will be a college graduate.  I do not know what I will be doing after May 5th. There is so much scary excitement about that. (I apologize if you got here by facebook and thought you would find out what my future holds...I'll let you know when I know) I could go anywhere and do anything.  I am completely at the mercy of God's hands.  I have no plans (amazing in itself..it took years for God to achieve this in my heart ;]). I feel like there is new large blank canvas that is the rest of my life.  It is truly for God to paint. I will lay everything down in surrender, fully knowing there will be heartache and trials.  And fully knowing I will get to experience God's love in greater depth than I ever thought possible. Honestly, I don't want it any other way.  My future is most secure in His Hands. His understanding is greater than mine, so I want to follow Him, rather than my own ambitions.  I only see such a small portion of what is really happening. He sees it all, so I will give Him everything.

So after many tears, this is the cry of my heart. I mean every word with as much of my little heart as I can muster. Here is my prayer for the rest of my life...

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

 (Take My Life-Chris Tomlin)

⁴ When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!”  And Moses said, “Here I am.” -Exodus 3:4

An Anointing...

^{Many years before Jesus ever stepped on the earth God said this to Isaiah. God was talking specifically about Jesus.  Jesus will bring justice to the nations. This is what He was put on earth to do from the very beginning.}

 

¹ “Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
   my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
   and he will bring justice to the nations.
² He will not shout or cry out,
   or raise his voice in the streets.
³ A bruised reed he will not break,
   and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;
 ⁴ he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
   In his teaching the islands will put their hope.”

 ⁵ This is what God the LORD says—
the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out,
   who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it,
   who gives breath to its people,
   and life to those who walk on it:
⁶ “I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
   I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
   to be a covenant for the people
   and a light for the Gentiles,
⁷ to open eyes that are blind,
   to free captives from prison
   and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

Isaiah 42:1-7

 Then there is this in Isaiah 61:1-3.

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
 ³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor. 

Jesus was placed on this earth to set captives (aka you, me, and every human on this earth) free. Free from slavery to sin and death. When He sets us free from death, He puts His Spirit inside of us-anointing us be His vessel in setting others free.  We all have different gifts.  This will not and cannot look the same in everyone's life.  However, this is the anointing we are given as followers of Jesus.  Are you doing what you have been anointed to do-set the captives free?

 

Faith and Love

I think I --like so many others-- have had a wrong view of pain and God's love.

"Now I know faith is not a fire, as much as it is a glow,

 A quite lovely burning underneath the snow.

And it's not too much-it's just enough to get me home.

'Cause love moves slow."

 -Audrey Assad lyrics to "Slow"

For me, it is hard to see pain and suffering in others lives.  It is also hard to understand why I have to experience hurt.  If we have excepted Christ in our lives and God really does exist then why do we have to see evil and experience hurt. Doesn't God love us? Doesn't He know how this is hurting His children?

As a matter of fact, He does.  A perfect and holy God made Himself human (Jesus), so that He could experience pain. He didn't have to do that, but He wanted to show His great love by joining us in the suffering.  He experienced suffering and pain because of His love for us.

So my heart breaks at the pain I see around me and as my heart breaks, I am learning the amount of faith I am going to need to make it through this life. Evil lives on earth.  As long as it exists on earth, there will be suffering.  God has chosen me, a weak servant, to step into the pain and suffering and be a light.  As I do this, He will draw me closer to Himself.  Pain and suffering force to me to have faith that there is something better, there has to be a reason for it.  If there is not a reason for it, then hopelessness will flood my heart.  I will be consumed by despair.  

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

Hebrews 11:1

In the face of pain and suffering I will choose to seek a deeper understanding of God's love.  I will choose to believe that as I experience heart break and wait for healing, Jesus is right beside me. Jesus can relate to my waiting. Jesus is waiting for the day when I get to come home to Heaven and see Him face to face.  He is preparing me for that day through the trials, because through every trial I learn a greater depth to His love.  A little bit of a Heaven on earth when trials are overcome. He is cleansing me for the day when I will be found perfect in His sight.

For that day, I wait.  I have faith, full confidence, in the fact that the day will come when I will see God face to face. For that day, I wait in eager expectation, knowing that every trial faced on earth will have been worth it.  If I seek Him in faith, I will slowly learn the depth of His love.

Un-wanted

Please please read this...it's so heartbreakingly good!!

Adorned

"Now I am Yours and You are mine
And nothing now can break the bonds of love
We are joined together now"

I am at the beginning of a new season. I love new seasons because I get take all the past lessons I have learned and apply them to the new challenges that God brings my way.  This semester I will be doing an internship at a family counseling center.  Honestly, I was really nervous about this because I knew I would see children and families who are struggling.  If you know me, you know I have a very compassionate heart (aka...I cry a lot when I see hurting people).  I kept asking God if I was really able to handle seeing all that I will see. I doubted my own ability to handle having my heart broken everyday by the situations I see.

To my questioning God gently responded that I am His and He is mine. (see quoted lyric above ;)) This means that in everything I see, He will be right next to me holding me. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21 He will never allow me to see more than I handle.  God even challenged me to look for Him in every situation.  I think this will cause me to have a completely different outlook on situations that look harsh from my normal point of view, and to see things from God's perspective.

This new perspective that I will hopefully gain will be beneficial in whatever God has for me in the future.  For the direction in which my life is headed, it seems that seeing hurting people will likely be part of it (and I secretly really hope it does).  And again, at realizing this my first response is to fear.  And yet again, God gently challenges me.  Because my life is Jesus' now, I am to be His hand and feet.  Well, Jesus loved the hurting, embraced them, and administered healing.  If I chose not to go where Jesus is calling me, then my relationship with Him will suffer. I won't be able to see Him and learn about Him the way He desires for me to.  So, this is me stepping forward into brokenness looking for Jesus, dying to myself, and allowing Him to make my ugly heart something beautiful.  It will not be an easy road , but I know that as I walk, I will fall even more in love with Him as I learn more about His love for sinners, of which I am the worst (1 Tim. 1:15).

“I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
   I will take hold of your hand.
 I will keep you and will make you
   to be a covenant for the people
   and a light for the Gentiles,
   to open eyes that are blind,
   to free captives from prison
   and to release from the dungeon 

   those who sit in darkness. 

       Isaiah 42:6-7

'What I Want You To Know'

I read this on another blog and wanted to share.  I just copy and pasted it below, but here is the link too! http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2011/12/what-i-want-you-to-know-how-church.html

"What I want you to know is that the way the church views sexual abuse and teaches (or lack thereof) its congregation about how to handle sexual abuse is often misguided and misconstrued. I want you to know that our lack of understanding as Christians fills me with an unholy rage. Childhoods are being ripped away.

Every 2 minutes (in the United States alone) someone is sexually assaulted.  I have visited well over 15 churches throughout the course of my lifetime. Of all my visits, only 2 churches have discussed the ramifications of sexual abuse and how we, as Christians, should react. Unfortunately, I know more women who have been sexually abused than I can count on one hand. Does anyone else sense just how devastating that is? Of all the women I know who were sexually abused, all but one experienced the sexual abuse during childhood. Two of them had perpetrators were well-revered members of their church communities. Two of these brave women told me that the abuse they suffered is the reason they don't believe in God. After all, what kind of a loving Creator would allow such atrocities to happen to such innocence?"

"The most angering experience I had in a church was when I visited one in Chicago while an undergrad. One of the first sermons I attended discussed sexual abuse. At first it was pretty on-par with what I believe. By the conclusion, he entirely lost me: "Both the sexual abuser and the abused need to ask for God's forgiveness for their sins. The victim's body is a temple and by being abused they have desecrated their temple. Therefore they need to seek God's forgiveness for the sins against their body." I think I was in shock. I didn't know how to process it. It tore my heart in two."

"If I could go back, the things I would say to this man. Is the body a temple? Yes. Do you honestly believe God would expect a victim of sexual abuse to ask for forgiveness for "their role in the act"? No way. I can assure you that no sexual abuse victim was a willing participant. That's why it's called abuse. This pastor was so ignorant of the ramifications of abuse. I will forever regret not speaking out because I truly believe his words were not God's. I've witnessed the heartbreak. I've cried with the victims. The pain is insurmountable. Sexual abuse is devastating."

"So, as a church, what can we do? We need to discuss it. Silence just reaffirms the victim's mentality that it was somehow their fault when it so clearly wasn't. We need to develop a deeper understanding of it so that when we do discuss it we do not speak damaging, unholy words. We need to provide sexual abuse victims resources to cope with their trauma. But most importantly, we need to love the victims and support them unconditionally: we need to show them Christ's love. It's not our job to make anyone believe in God. However, I truly believe that if we personify Christ's love that so many more will want to seek Him out. I also believe that true and total healing can only be found in Christ. And sexual abuse victims need total healing more than just about anyone I've ever met."

"One Thousand Gifts"

I have been reading this book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  God has shown me so much through this book.  The truths God showed me in this book are what helped me get through this past semester.  The book walks the reader threw Ann's life as she learns to see God in EVERYTHING.  She begins by making a list of all the things she is thankful for.  But this is not just a list of the typical things we always thank God for on the surface (good health, or family or friends). Not that these are not amazing blessings, but she takes it one step deeper and sees the beauty that God lays before her in every day that she missed before.  To see this beauty she has to slow down and take in every moment. The sound of children laughing, smell of flowers, sight of a bird are things that God uses to draw her into Himself.

Coming into this past semester with so much on my plate, I knew I was going to have to slow my mind down and look for God in the little things.  Otherwise I will be running from thing to thing not really serving God in any of it. When I looked for God He showed up.  He captured my heart in ways I can scare explain.  

In the book, she faces challenges such as seeing what to be thankful for in suffering and pain.  She begins to see how giving thanks for the suffering transforms it into something beautiful. Then she talks about how Jesus gives thanks and it transforms things.   

"Because eucharisteo (thanksgiving) is how Jesus, at the Last Supper, showed us to transfigure all things-- take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it: This, is hard eucharisteo.  The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty.  The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because HE is all good."


The lessons God has taught me in this book are powerful and I will use them in the future as He challenges me. 


You can check out her blog here. Or buy her book here.