A Holy Life?

You're calling me to lay aside
The worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind
Find a hiding place
Worthy, You are worthy

Open up my heart
And let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth
And let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a childlike faith
And of my honest praise
Of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love 

These are lyrics I have sang many times, but this morning these words seem to present a challenge.  Are the things these verses talk about things that characterize my life? He is worthy of all of it, yet I cannot seem to give it all to Him. What does a holy life look like? I am struggling to find an answer.  It certainly can't be mine, can it? Mine is marked by failure to obey, failure to put Him first, failure to desire His will before anything else, failure to give Him my full attention...many failures on my part.  How can my life be holy? These verses comes to mind.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

Back to the question, how can my life be holy?  Answer: Jesus.  He loved me and died for me. After I surrender my life to Him, my life became holy.  The Holy Spirit entered my body and it became holy. So, I guess a holy life is one that is sold out for Him.  One that is full of Jesus and the very Spirit of God inside me.  So, full of everyday failures, but full of confession and constant reliance on the salvation He gives. This is my conclusion of what a holy life looks like.  Less of me..more of Jesus. 

His plans vs my plans

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

I have been learning a lot about my plans versus God plans and how to think about them. I have always had a serious problem with trying to figure out God's plan.  I frequently plan the future.  If you have been following God for any length of time you know how pointless this is and yet I proceed to do so pretty consistently.  God has recently brought this sin into the light and has been doing some extensive work on my heart.

Lesson 1: He reveals His plans in His time.

At the beginning of the summer I thought I was going to figure out what I was going to do a year from now.  I was easily going to seek God's heart and figure out if I would be going grad school or overseas. Well, God doesn't work like that.  I think He laughs lovingly at my ignorance. It is now 2 weeks before school starts and I am not a whole lot closer to figuring it out. And that is the way He wants it.  He has shown me that I will know His plans when He is ready to reveal them to me and not a moment before. Even if I struggle and struggle to try to figure it out before, He will not show me. And knowing Him He probably has something completely different in mind.  Who knows? I certainly do not! 

Lesson 2: He prepares our heart for His plans

As stated in previous posts I am moving back on campus in 2 weeks! If you had told me a year ago that I would be moving back to campus I would have thought you were crazy.  It has been a process getting my heart in line with God's plans. I obviously wanted to do it, but a week ago I had a  lots of tears. Then yesterday God just gave my heart this unbelievable excitement for moving back.  Our lives as Christ followers are to be poured out as a drink offering.  The joy I feel in anticipation of the way He will do this the next year is hardly bearable! I could seriously move in tomorrow I'm so stinking pumped for the school year! But once again I'm gently reminded to slow down and learn what He wants to teach me today :)

By trying to figure out the future I miss the blessings and lessons in today.  In trying to figure out the future I miss the ways He is trying to prepare me for it. I may not know what my future holds, but I know that the One who plans it is preparing me for it in ways that I cannot possibly imagine.  So I will look for Him in today and try to learn what He is teaching me today and wait patiently.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably 

more than all we ask or imagine, 

according to his power that is at work within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus 

throughout all generations,

for ever and ever! 

Amen. 

Ephesians 3:20-21

Kisses from Katie BOOK!

So this lady has a book!! I have already pre-ordered mine on Amazon! You should do the same or at least check out her blog.  I have shameless mentioned her blog about 5 times on my blog, but only because it is so stinking good! :)

Consolatta

So I was watching this video and my heart broke. This woman is my age.  She has been deserted by her family, raped, and no long able to walk.  When I watch this video I feel two main emotions. Guilt. Guilty that I have like a family who loves me, two working legs, and never experienced great suffering.  I also feel pity.  Pity for her and how sad a situation she is in.

It is quite possible that I would have forgotten about this girl in about a week.  But then God started stirring in my heart.  These videos are created for a reason. For more than just 5 minutes of pity and guilt. God changed these emotions to compassion, but I want to live my life to help woman such as her.  Children who have been abandoned, raped, prostituted, abused, and left to feel more emotions than they can possibly handle.  I want to watch God transform their lives.  I want to tell them they are not just a number or a video I saw once.  I want to look them in the eye and tell them the God of universe sent His perfect Son to die, so that He could one day hold you in His hand and tell you of His love for you.

I soon realize my pity and guilt will get Consolatta no where, but God is in her life.  He is revealing His love in her life.  The fact that she can get in front of a camera and tell her story is AMAZING!  He is revealing His glory through her.  I don't know this woman anymore than this video that is a little under 5 minutes, but I want to be a servant to a God who is as powerful enough to bring her from where she was to where she is now.

The best part is..He isn't done in her life and He isn't done in mine.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, 

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor. 

Isaiah 61:1-3

Romans 8:28

Across the will of nature
Lead on the path of God;
Not where the flesh delighteth
The feet of Jesus trod.
~Amy Carmichael

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace,
Not even blessing, but Himself, my God.
~Oswald Chambers

WARNING:the following is sappy reflections so if you don't like sappiness return to facebook :)

So I feel like all words I have been writing the last few months about living uncomfortably and facing anxiety will be things I will come face to face with in this next season of my life. I will be moving out of the beloved apartment 4. It is a lot harder than I ever expected. So much life has happened in this apartment. It is the first place I have called home since my parents house. Like when I'm on long vacations I long to come home to apt. 4. It's home, I decorated it with my roomies, I learned to cook here, I learned what being a good roommate and friend looks like, I became a real adult here. I learned to make more decisions on my own. I learned how to pay bills. I learned a deeper level of selflessness. I learned to clean a bathroom. (thanks natalie!) And many many more things. And over the last few years through every roommate change and learning all this, one amazing friend has been there the whole time. But now I have chosen to leave a place I call home and some wonderful roommates. I have a new found respect of people who move around all time or have to face changes more often than I do. I know I'm being awfully dramatic for only moving 5 miles away, but hey its my blog, so I get to write what I want ;)

All that being said I am also INCREDIBLY excited for what God has in store. Here is the part that brings that uncomfortable and fear/anxious stuff. Adjusting to a new living space in always uncomfortable and learning to live with a new person and hoping she don't notice ALL my flaws right away. But also living on campus with a whole bunch of new freshman...this I'm kinda excited for, but also praying for patience :) I'm also taking the largest number of credits I have ever taken, along with work, volunteering, and leadership stuff. Its bit overwhelming, but I don't say it to complain. Instead to say that because I will have to face my fear of doing what seems like a lot of things in my eyes. I know that all this will cause me to rely on God more. There is absolutely no way I can do any of things well without Him. When I'm not at my very weakest, it's easier for me to miss what God does. So I go into this is semester very much aware of my fleshes weakness and fear, but knowing that Jesus has walked before me preparing a way. I am so excited to see who God brings into my life and what He has to teach me and the people around me. It's going to be good :)

He promises!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

So stay tuned...this fall will be full of stupid stories and lessons learned. That's it for now, I'm off to enjoy summer for one more month! :)

Restless

Hello Lord
By Sara Groves

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

I have so many thoughts, but this song covers the majority of them. I want so much to know God's plans for me life. I know that I will be in Ames this coming year, but I don't know where I will be doing an internship in the spring. I hope to go to Africa soon but nothings for sure. I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate, which is less than a year away. I want to help the hurting and bring light to darkness, but how? where? when? why? Well not why. I know the why. "My commands is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

So...do I go to grad school, overseas, intern somewhere for a year here in the states, or do I stay in Ames? It's just plain confusing. I really wish I could do all four. They are all good and I could honor God doing them any of them, but somehow I have to come to choose just one. So God, what do you want? I ask this question every morning and after a few months of asking I still have no answer. So what's the next step?

I have almost come to terms with the fact that I might not know the answers to all the these questions for awhile. So for now I have decided focus on today, just like Jesus says to do. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 And guess what? When you listen to Jesus things get considerably better. Imagine that! :) I realized that I have enough things to work on today such as selfishness and patience. Those are more practical things to work on during the day then telling God the pluses and minuses of going to graduate school or where I would and wouldn't like to go. Does that mean that I stop praying about the future? No, but I try to divert my mind away from dwelling on it when I'm going throughout my day. Do I do it perfectly? Jesus knows better, but I'm learning! :) So for now I'm still confused, but I know God has a plan that I cannot possibly fathom that will probably happen while I'm living my daily life. Resulting in me almost missing what I have spent lots of time thinking about, but we'll see!

Human Trafficking/Orphan Stuff

Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
Proverbs 24:11-12

So at the orphan conference I went to a break-out session on human trafficking. Although I had learned about trafficking in the U.S. in one of my classes last semester, but my heart broke at this break-out session. I had just never heard these horrible stories before. I came home and wanted to learn more. Here are some of the things I have learned thus far. If you don't want to read this thing than just watch one or both videos.

• 6 min video

• a 19 year old's story

Here is a website with some random facts. Here are some of them:

• The AIDS epidemic in Africa has left many children orphaned, making them especially vulnerable to human trafficking.
• Brazil and Thailand are generally considered to have the worst child sex trafficking records.
• The FBI estimates that over 100,000 children and young women are trafficked in America today. They range in age from nine to 19, with the average being age 11. Many victims are not just runaways or abandoned, but are from “good” families who are coerced by cleaver traffickers.
• Human trafficking has been reported in all 50 states, Washington, D.C., and in some U.S. territories.
• Sex traffickers often recruit children because not only are children are more unsuspecting and vulnerable than adults, but there is also a high market demand for young victims. Traffickers target victims on the telephone, on the Internet, through friends, at the mall, and in after-school programs.
• According to the FBI, a large human-trafficking organization in California in 2008 not only physically threatened and beat girls as young as 12 to work as prostitutes, they also regularly threatened them with witchcraft.
• Some human traffickers recruit handicapped young girls, such as those suffering from Down Syndrome, into the sex industry.
• Victims of human trafficking suffer devastating physical and psychological harm. However, due to language barriers, lack of knowledge about available services, and the frequency with which traffickers move victims, human trafficking victims and their perpetrators are difficult to catch.
• Human trafficking is estimated to surpass the drug trade in less than five years. Journalist Victor Malarek reports that it is primarily men who are driving human trafficking, specifically trafficking for sex.
  
• Human trafficking is one of the fastest growing criminal enterprises because it holds relatively low risk with high profit potential. Criminal organizations are increasingly attracted to human trafficking because, unlike drugs, humans can be sold repeatedly.
• Family members will often sell children and other family members into slavery; the younger the victim, the more money the trafficker receives. For example, a 10-year-old named Gita was sold into a brothel by her aunt. The now 22-year-old recalls that when she refused to work, the older girls held her down and stuck a piece of cloth in her mouth so no one would hear her scream as she was raped by a customer. She would later contract HIV.
• Women are trafficked to the U.S. largely to work in the sex industry (including strip clubs, peep and touch shows, massage parlors that offer sexual services, and prostitution). They are also trafficked to work in sweatshops, domestic servitude, and agricultural work.
• Human trafficking victims face physical risks, such as drug and alcohol addiction, contracting STDs, sterility, miscarriages, forced abortions, vaginal and anal trauma, among others. Psychological effects include developing clinical depression, personality and dissociative disorders, suicidal tendencies, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Here is a few websites with more information:

• ZOE International
• read these stories of some prostitutes

Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
Proverbs 24:11-12