The Author and co-author...

I've been contemplating choices and obedience to God's sovereign will. How is God sovereign, yet allowing us to make choices? Here is my thought process as I fumble through this. 

I picture God as the Author of my story. He is writing this insane love story that ends with a beautiful wedding when all of His church is ushered into Heaven. Inside of the bigger story of His pursuit of the Church as His bride, He is writing a love story as He pursues my heart. He wants my heart. He wants your heart. All of it. Every last guilty broken piece.

He is the Author. Hebrews 12:2 says so--"the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Recap: Jesus being the Author of faith was joyfully tortured for me. After He was tortured He took His place next to His Father, the King. Clearly, God is the Sovereign King ruling, reigning and writing this whole crazy love story. I think I get it...I think.

 However, as I have lived out this love story/my life, I feel I have been able to make choices along the way. Some of my previous posts have been written amidst seasons of making these choices. I feel as though sometimes God says "Here's the pen. I am sovereign and mighty enough to make good out of either choice you make." Because He promises to "cause all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

And as I write/choose, He lovingly places His hand over mine in protection to make sure I don't do anything too crazy ;) 

So, I think this is a joint project. He is the Ruler and Author over all, but He allows us to be co-heirs to reign (and write) with Him. 

Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heir of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His suffering in order that we may also share in His glory. Romans 8:17 

1 Corinthians 13 + Johnny and June

Hi friends! It's been awhile! Life has happened and God continues to take me deeper into the understanding of just how high, wide, long, and deep this love of His really is. And let me tell you, it is quite the bumpy roller coaster! But rest assured, God's hand always protects.

Recently, I was working out and memorizing 1 Corinthians 13. You know...

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

So, I'm concentrating very hard on recalling these verses (because scripture memory is quite difficult for me) and the song country Johnny and June comes on over the speakers. I really enjoy this song and instantly began singing along (in my head). The chorus is "I want a love like Johnny and June." Then I realize, the world has painted this picture of what love is. However, the world describes love has oneself being happy and satisfied and is largely instant pleasure focused (emotionally and physically). Mostly, love as the world sees it is largely self-centered and completely about self-gratification.

Instantly, my heart became angry at the world. Because, as a female, I have seen countless chick-flicks and have had the world's picture of love shoved in my face from a very early age and oh, how I have bought into it! However, what God says love is is ENTIRELY different! The love God describes is way more difficult for humans to understand and imitate. This kind of love will challenge the heck out of us humans--"not proud", "not easily angered", "no record of wrongs". God even goes so far as to say that love is "not self-seeking". Yup folks, He went there...

This love is also much harder to find than what my beloved Hallmark movies portray.

In an effort to keep inline with the theme of the blog, it seems God is teaching me about the part of James 1:27 I honestly kind of ignore...Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

So, what do I do with this new truth handed to me?? (in the gym of all places--evidence of God's sense of humor). First, I'm writing it on my heart so that God can bring it to mind at any time. I am also taking a step away from the chick-flicks (at least for awhile). I also decided to really intentionally dig into the love stories God writes in the Bible. I want to know what love, as the Creator made it to be, really looks like. All the while, hoping and praying that God would continue to cleanse me from the lies of the world to make my heart look more like His. For my greatest desire is to know His love and to make it known to the world.

(Side note: I still like Johnny and June and have listened to it while writing this)

Friends: Proof of God's Gracious Love

You know those people that come into your life at perfect opportune times in your life and you know that God had to have sent them to you because there is just no other way to explain the incredible impact they have made on your life?

I have had MANY of these encounters. It seems that every person I meet has a certain lesson(s) that God has specifically ordained for me to learn from them. When reflecting on this and those encounters  there are 4 specific women who have a distinctly LARGE impact on my life.

These four women were brought into my life four years ago. I met them my freshman year at Iowa State. The great thing about college is that you get to meet lots of new people. In this season of my life God brought each of these four women into my life through a Bible study I attended. This is picture from our first outing to Jenny's house. We watched Anne of Green Gables. I knew I had definitely encountered some "kindred spirits"in these ladies. 

2008

The following four years would be a time of incredible growth in my relationship with God. These four women knew Jesus and He has given them each different perspectives in which to see Him. I have learned so much from each of their lives and their walks with Jesus. 

As we studied His word together, prayed together, and just lived life together (some of us in Apt. 4), something extraordinary happened-a bond formed that goes deeper then the natural. These women have seen me at my worst. They know every secret. They know my fears. They know my many weaknesses. They have listened to my whining (thanks ladies). One of them even sat with me for hours in a Bible Camp cabin bathroom while the stomach flu hit me hard (thanks Jenny!). 

Through all of that, they have been a beautiful display of God's love in my life. They have spoken Truth into painful moments. They have called me out on sin issues. They have prayed, oh, have they prayed. We have worshipped together. We have served together. We have wrestled through some of the hard questions life brings. Together we have seen Jesus do incredible things-things that seemed impossible (at least to me) were possible right before our eyes.

2010-A Vacation to Duluth

2011-One of our more ridiculous moments.
We took "Tabitha" for a 22 mile bike ride.

We went camping for vacation. Thanks to these women I now sorta enjoy tent camping...
an example of the impossible made possible ;)

2012-In Kansas City this fall visiting Anna. Nicole would be the little thing Anna's holding. 

Together we have grown and matured. They had the distinct pleasure (or misfortune...depends on how you look at it ;)) of seeing me at the very beginning of my walk with God and being a part of God teaching and growing me. These women are incredible and words will never be able to express how grateful I am for each of them. Life on this earth is so short, but I am forever grateful I get to live it with these women and see the way Jesus works through them. Even if we don't live in the same country (which seems highly likely and has already happened in short increments) God will continue to show His mercy to us and glorify Himself in our lives.

This weekend-Getting together before Jenny leaves the country for 6 months

I know Jesus better because of them and for that I give God all the glory. 

I love you Anna, Natalie, Jenny, and Nicole! :)

I feel His love...

I am simply in awe of the way God chooses to glorify Himself. For some reason He has chosen to glorify Himself by loving me in sheer abundance from the day I took my first breath on this earth. Joy overwhelms my heart to reflect on the incredibly power of His love.  There is nothing that compares with it. His love makes all things work together for my good. When He loves me I experience the deepest parts of my heart being satisfied. And somehow I know that He delights greatly in the moments when I fully let Him come in and love me. When I let Him come in and satisfy the deepest longings of my heart, He rejoices.  In the moments of hard painful surrender, He is calling me deeper into His heart.  He knows what comes after the pain. He knows I will know Him better. He knows I will know more of His heart.

He is calling me deeper into His heart. And as I adventure deeper, I am transformed and He receives glory. The words of my mouth are different, my actions are not the same, the desires of my heart are different. I am not the same. I desire to do His will and not my own. I am willing to walk into the pain and darkness because I just want others to know the love that burns in my heart. I am willing to do what others would call crazy because I want to see His face. I have learned that in the hardest moments, that is when He is most visible.

How could I not be head over heels in love with a God who chooses to glorify Himself in loving me, in satisfying the deepest longings of my heart? It's not a choice, it's just a response to experiencing a love that nothing else can even compete with.

He is love and He is mine.

Learning to be Loved...

I feel like the last 6 months have been an intense lesson of learning how God loves me.  

This is what I have learned:

He loves us enough to hurt us

Before you go thinking I'm crazy, let me explain. 

I put this together in Honduras.

God says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2 NIV

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.

Romans 5:3-5 NLT

Jesus takes us through the hard things because He knows that if we aren't forced to come to the end of our own ability, if we don't have to completely rely on His strength then we won't.  We will simply try do all things in our strength and He receives little glory. In life, when all seems lost and broken and painful, He can see what is come to come. He can see the beauty just over the mountain. He just asks us to let Him be our strength to get to the top.  So, when we let Him help us, He gives us the strength to do the impossible, and He receives all glory. This is an extremely painful process, but oh so incredibly worth it. We gain a new perspective of His love. A perspective that holds an indescribable beauty.

His love is constant

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us form God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below--indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

His love is not dependent on our actions or response to Him.  His love has always been and always will be. He has known my face, my heart, my every sin. And He has loved me enough to take the punishment deserved for sin.  He knew I would stubbornly resist His love. He knew I would never be able to fully comprehend His love while on earth, but He that didn't stop Him. He saw how I would rejoice in Him as I learned of His love. He saw how He could be glorified in my life.  He saw how His love could transform my life and be used to transform the lives around me.  He saw the beauty that would come, so He suffered. He was beaten to the point of death. He has loved me enough to take the punishment deserved for my sin. And when it seemed the enemy had won, He rose from the dead. He returned in glory.  He returned to make His love known among the earth. He returned to make His love known in my heart. He returned to set the captive free.

So, this is what I have learned the last couple of months....He lets us experience pain of coming to the end of ourselves, so that we know the strength of His healing love. And His love is not affected by my lack of obedience or understanding. His love is forever. His love is extravagant.

Be Loved-Christy Nockels

Have you ever let yourself be loved by the one who made you?

Have you every told yourself to believe that His heart is on your side?

You could even try to run away, but there is nothing you can do

So just be loved, be loved, He loves you

Have you ever let yourself be held by the One who holds this world?

Have you ever told your soul to rejoice that His arms are open wide?

You could even try to run away, but He'd come running after you

So just be held, be held, He holds you

We didn't earn it, He just chose to give it, 

and it's in our resting that we rise up singing rejoice,

again I say rejoice.

You are loved, be loved, He loves you.

On to a new chapter and into the glorious

Life is like an exciting book, and every year starts a new chapter. -Unknown

This is the quote I found in my journal today. God is sovereign.  Today, on the eve of a new chapter, I am reflecting on God's faithfulness.

He has been faithful to provide an amazing place in Ames, to allow me to create a solid foundation of faith, on which, I will build the rest of my life.  He was faithful to bring amazing people into my life to teach me just the right lesson and speak the right truth at just the right time. He was faithful to provide sound Bible teaching. He was faithful to provide a place where I could learn to worship Him freely and imtimately. He has been faithful to take me out of my comfort zone and challenge me to move to Cedar Falls.  He has been faithful to get me into graduate school and fill me truth the take on the challenges that I will face the next two years.

Yes, God has been incredibly faithful, but I have been incredibly faithless.

If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

I am ashamed to admit that if you have walked the last 6 months with me, you know how I have worried and doubted God. How I have feared God's provision of all that I need.  But in my faithlessness God has provided a great job, the most amazing new home, incredible new friends, and a new place to worship.

My life is proof that in faithlessness, He is faithful.

So, I want to try something new this school year.  Instead of looking all that I will have to accomplish this semester, I will choose to trust.  I will choose to have faith. Faith that God will push me to the end of the possible, so that I might see Him do the impossible in my daily life. Yes, this is most definitely going to hurt. Coming to end of yourself is never pleasant, but I will have faith that God will meet me there and usher me into the glorious-into a more intimate knowledge of His abundant love.

No song better describes my heart stepping into this new year, this new chapter....

Out from the ordinary into extraordinary,

And this is a heart cry, from my life to say I love, 

Lord, I love you,

Take me deeper,

I can hear You calling, inviting me in,

Into the glorious

Jesus Loves Me--the murderer

Part of a journal entry from July 27th...

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

~Jesus, thank you. Thank you for bearing my sin on the cross. You were perfect, but boar the weight of my sin. Willing to get messing and take on the full punishment of my sin--killing You. My sin was heavy enough to kill You. But because of Your power You overcame death. You not only overcame death, but You chose to love the murderer. The very person who's sins killed You. You love her more than she will ever comprehend. You love her beyond what she can see. Even as she grows in understanding of Your love she will still doubt, still fear, still desire her own will and make her own her plans. But You will pursue her with faithfulness and goodness. Determined for her to know Your perfect love for her. Because the Cross was just the beginning of Your displaying Your love to her.~

Jesus loves me, a murderer. And you loves you too. He is love. He defines love. And He is enough.