Overwhelmed

The last two weeks have gone by so fast and I need to blog as a form of therapy. This could get lengthy, but here it goes.

Serena, Danbi, and I at supper before Danbi went back home. I was overwhelmed by how fast you can become good friends with someone, but then have to say good bye. Someday I hope to visit South Korea, but until then skype will have to due ;)

A trip to Ledges during finals week. Finals week was less stressful than the last, so I had a little more time to stop and reflect on what God has done the last year. I was overwhelmed by the way God intricately intertwined my life with certain people for specific lessons and some lessons that have yet to be learned. When at the bottom of the hills at Ledges I felt like I was standing in God's hand. I was so small yet so secure.

The week after finals 5 of us college students and a married couple from our church went to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit in Kentucky. Here, I was overwhelmed by the pain in the world. I was overwhelmed by information about HIV orphans, how to interact with children who have had trauma in their past, street children, human trafficking, and a WHOLE LOT more. I loved it!! This conference has forever changed me in ways that I am still learning.

I felt so blessed to have a group of people I was able to go there and experience it with. Some of my favorite quotes from the trip: "We'll talk about it later." "Sanitize it."

Lorie Me and Adrian
Jen and I

I came home for 24 hours after the summit and then embarked on a trip with 4 of my favorite people. On this trip I was overwhelmed by the love He has shown me through these 4 ladies who are very near and dear to my heart. We went to a friends graduation from high school (who will be coming to ISU next year!!) and then we went to my house. We then headed to Lanesburo, MN to do some camping and this was legit camping...like in tents, cooking outside, use the port-a-potty kind of camping. If you know me then you know this is kind of stretch, but I loved it!! There was lots of laughter, learning, and encouragement.

Anna, me, Megan, Jenny, Natalie and Nicole

Allow me to introduce to you, Tabitha. We took Tabitha, this six person bike, 10.1 miles to the neighboring town and then the 10.1 miles back for a total of 20.2. Let me point out that those engineering Tabitha probably only expected her to ridden 5 miles at time...at most. It took us 6 hours full of laughter, singing, cheering, talking (may be with different accents and thanks to Nicole different languages that are unidentifiable to the human race), and a little complaining may have come out of my mouth as I seemed to be the only one with the common sense that this trek should not be completed on a bike that looked like our dear Tabitha. There was a farmer in his tractor that was so shocked at the site of our trolley looking contraption riding down the bike path that we saw him laugh and immediately pick up his cell phone and call his wife.


So that brings me today. Today was supposed to be my catch up day. But I have spent over an hour looking at pictures and writing this. What I have learned the last few weeks is that I serve a BIG God and that He is always faithful and good. I am excited at what this summer will bring. I have a sneaking suspicion that this summer will bring more than I can possibly imagine and that my Father will do immeasurably more than I can possibly pray for.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Amy Carmichael

"If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider 'not spiritual work' I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interesting and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love."
-- Amy Carmichael

A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot is one of the most challenging and encouraging books I have ever read--still reading actually!! I love this quote because it is a clear picture that serving others--changing diapers, doing dishes, folding laundry, giving someone a ride--is not glamorous or clearly identifiably 'spiritual', but it shows people Jesus all the same.

Adoption

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.

Romans 8:15

At the bottom of my study Bible, it says, "The underlying work here is adoption. Adoption was common among the Greeks and Romans, who granted the adopted sons all the privileges of a natural son, including inheritance rights. Christians are adopted sons by grace; Christ, however, is God's Son by nature. Abba Father is the expression of an especially close relationship to God."

Lately I have been angry with my sin. Fed up with the way I think and act. I think of how people see me as a good person on the outside, but Jesus knows my heart. He knows my selfishness. He knows my pride. He knows everything. Yet as my screaming voice hung Him on that cross, He loved me. He pursues me. Me, a sinner who murdered Him. But He doesn't see me as a sinner. He sees me as His child because He has adopted me as His child. I call Him my Father. I get to experience His love, mercy, and hope because Jesus loved me even when I was screaming "Crucify Him!".

 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

It is that love that I lay down my life and say "Not my will, but yours be done." (Jesus said it first, Matt. 26:39) It is this love that has transformed my life. It doesn't mean I'm perfect. But it does mean I have a Father who will be there to pick me up when I fall. It does mean that if I find my strength in Him and walk in the path He has prepared for me that I can do anything. (Phil. 4:13)

For the above reasons, I LOVE adoption. I love orphans, because I see them as God saw me. I was angry, confused, lost, and lonely. Then He said, "I love you" and it changed my world. I want to tell orphans that Jesus loves them and let God change their world too. This is the deepest desire of my heart. That is why God has put me on this earth --to experience His love and share it with the orphaned.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Katie Davis

I gave my last speech today and it one to inspire. I talked about Katie Davis and here is what I said...

I know a woman who is a mother to 14. This woman has feed 1,600 children. This woman has provided schooling for 400 children. This woman is the founder and executive director of Amazima Ministries. This woman is 22 years old. For about a year, I have been reading her blogs. Today I want to talk about how this woman, has shown courage and selflessness to influence thousands of lives around her. When Katie left the U.S. 3 years ago she was like many of us. She was young and a little uncertain of what she wanted to do, but determined to make a difference. From Katie’s story, we can see what courage and selflessness can accomplish.

Katie was 18 years old when she first went to Uganda, Africa for short-term mission trip. Five months later after graduating high school, she was boarding a plane back to Uganda to teach kindergarten at an orphanage. It takes great courage for an 18 year old to leave behind a loving family, close friends, and a boyfriend she was madly in love with. She also left behind warm showers, eight hours of sleep, a comfortable bed, and air conditioning, but this is what she gained.

A mosquito net became her security blanket . The net helps her to avoid being bitten by mosquitoes carrying malaria, among other diseases. However, she still sleeps with crickets and ants. A rat the size of a house cat lives in her bathroom and bats live in her shower. She eats cornmeal boiled in water, which tastes like Elmer’s glue, for two meals a day.

However, after posting all this she writes about all the wonderful things that are happening in the children’s lives around her. She rejoices in that she gets to teach little children and love them in a way few people ever get a chance.

After two years of being in Africa, Katie courageously took on the responsibility of being the adopted mother of three homeless orphans, ages 5, 7, and 9. Becoming a mother at age 20, to three girls who have had numerous years of abandonment and abuse to deal with, is no small undertaking.

Selflessness is one of the qualities I saw most often in Katie’s posts. Katie frequently posted about sharing her bed with sick orphans. One orphan had a fever of 105 and dying from Malaria, but she woke up every hour to give the child a sponge bath and every four to give medicine.

Since that post, she has adopted 14 girls. They all call her mom and she cares for each of their needs. This means, if one of them wakes up in the middle of the night she lays with them until they go back to sleep. Since most of them have been abused in the past this happens frequently. Her youngest daughters have become her alarm clock, waking her up at the break of dawn.

Last week Katie opened up a free clinic in her front yard to the slum community of a nearby village. In selfless ambition, Katie has also started a sponsorship program that has grown to provide over 400 children with schooling for a whole year. She has also created a meal program, feeding over 1,600 children five days a week.

Most of us are only in our 20’s. Katie is clear example that you do not have to be old to make a difference. I want to do something impactful with my life. Katie’s story shows us that if you display courage and selflessness you can impact thousands. I am not saying that you need to go and strive to change the lives of 2,000 children, but when you turn 23 or if you are over 23, how many people will say or can say, that your courageous and selfless actions have impacted them?

So that's what I wrote. Her life emulates Jesus is a very evident way. That is a what I want my life to look like. "And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'" Matthew 25:40

a heartbreaking story

Here is a post I found on the kissesfromkatie blog. If you would like to read the short version of her story click here. The post is an old one but I as read it, it triggered many emotions that i needed to feel, so here it is for you to read.

“Who will sing my lullaby?
Who will hold me when I cry?
When I awake and no one’s there
Who will sing my lullaby?”

Africa is a beautiful place, a place that I love to call home. When writing, I try o paint a picture of this Africa: a place where people love each other and the Lord, a place of hope and resilience, a place of blind faith, of renewal and life. But today, I want to tell you a story that breaks my heart. It is my hope that it will break yours too. I hope that tonight you will struggle with your warm shower and home cooked meal as you ponder the question, “Why me? Why am I so blessed?” I pray that this story could challenge you, could make you long for change. Africa is a beautiful place, but today, let it break your heart.

This is the story of Sumini. Sumini is a 5 year old girl that looks no older than three. Her cheek bones, hip bones, rib cage and shoulder blades poke out in the places that an American child would be cute and chubby. Her hair is not the jet black it should be but rather gray-brown from malnutrition. It is 4 am. Sumini is sleeping restlessly next to me in my bed (probably on the only mattress she has ever seen in her life) with a 105 degree fever. Sumini is dying. Just last week a lively, blissful little girl in my kindergarten class, now she tosses and turns helplessly leaving me to pray harder and longer than I ever have in my life. My heart physically hurts in my chest.

5 days ago Sumini walked the three miles to school with a very high fever. Guessing it was malaria, I took her to the hospital and was right. They gave me her treatment but only after warning me that with malaria as far along and severe as hers combined with severe malnutrition the chances of her survival were slim. So here I am. Just watching her breathe and knowing it could be last. And I’m sad. And I’m angry. And I’m scared.

Sumini loves to sing. When she does her voice is small and beautiful and full of joy. She also loves to color. She has gone through two whole coloring books and several of my walls since she has been with us these last few days. She is always eager to help; t\when she got here she found a jerry can and wanted to take it to the lake to fetch water. (She was shocked to learn of a tap, that water could just flow out of the sink right there in my house!) She is learning her alphabet and to pick different colors out of her box of crayons. She is just a child. She could be your child. She could be you. She could be me. Instead she lives in a dirt hut the size of my little shower with her grandfather who is just about too old to move. She goes days with food. She walks miles to school even when she is sick. Before school, around 5 am, she walks a mile to the well and then back again with 20 pound of water on her head (and she barely weight\s 60). THAT could be your child. THAT could be you. THAT could be me. She didn’t choose the life she was assigned and you didn’t either. So what if the roles were reversed? What if you were small and scared and dying in Africa of a totally preventable and curable disease and she was sitting comfortably at your computer with a mug of coffee?

When the disciples asked Jesus what the blind man did to deserve his condition, Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned but this happened to him so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (John 9:3) Poverty is not a sin. I believe it is a condition, a circumstance that allows God’s work to be displayed.

Sumini smiles at me. In the dark, her black face blends right in and all I can see is the bright flash of her teeth. Sumini will not die – not today, because God has put me here to make sure of that. God has put me here to hold her. God has put me here to give her a sponge bath every hour and ibeprophen every four. God has given me the provision to be able to afford the malaria treatment her grandfather cant. God has woken me that I may spend tonight praying vigilantly for the welfare of this child. But what about the others? What about the countless other children who will wake up tonight scared and burning with a fever so high it will kill them? Will anyone notice them? Will anyone even care? Who will sing their lullaby? Who will hold them when they cry?

Every circumstance is an opportunity for God’s work to be displayed. Will we do His work? Will he be displayed in our lives? Sumini could have just as easily been you. How will you change your world today?

Fear

Restless
Audrey Assad
You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I wanna rest in You

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

"Still my heart, hold me close, let me hear a still small voice"

Fear and anxiety are by far my biggest sin struggle. I worry about things as silly as forgetting my phone at home, or getting all my assignments done, or serious things like future plans or the salvation of those whom I love. As dumb as it sounds I definitely worry about the small things far more than the big things. How backwards is that?? If at any moment I can't automatically find something to worry about, I search for something to be anxious about.

So what is the root of this worry and fear? Why do I worry? It is a lack of faith and trust? It is that I don't believe God is powerful enough? By not trusting Him I'm calling Him a liar. If I don't trust Him that I am saying Romans 8:28 is a lie. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I have tried to justify my fear. "Jesus, I really do have a lot to get done and I have too many church commitments" (my most frequent) or "How can You possibly get me out of this mess I have created?" or "I forgot to bring ___ last time, what if I forgot it again?" I have truly ruined numerous blessings and joyful moments of fun with my worrying.

But, I can honestly say that in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these situations God has proven Himself to be a good and faithful God, but He shouldn't have to. I just trust Him because every morning I wake up and read in His word about His faithfulness. I should trust Him because He is the God who created the world. I should trust Him because He died so that I could live in PERFECT PEACE.

So what is my response? I am working on the that :) Jesus has been faithful in teaching me and giving me peace if I consciously choose to take my thoughts captive, but honestly its hard. However, when I do surrender to Him and choose to seek His face in those moments of overwhelming fear, He meets me, and He rescues me. I think He loves those moments as much as I do because how would we know Light if we knew not darkness?

sometimes im a dork :)

So I was reading some blogs and I really liked that they talk about life besides just orphans and Jesus. Not that these aren't honorable topics, but I thought it would be fun to just give you a picture into who I am and what I like. Most you of you know me pretty well and may know some of these things, but I thought this would be funny so here goes!

• i LOVE chocolate, popcorn, and ice cream
• basically the only channel i watch is the Disney channel
• i own all the High School Musical DVDs and soundtracks
• all the following were gifts but i cherish them: i have high school musical sheets, sweatpants, socks, and a DVD board game
• i love chick flicks, but nothing beats a chick flick/action movie
• I'm kinda an organized slob, but i try to keep it contained to my room
• i have never mopped our floor in our apartment because my wonderful roommate Natalie does (thanks Natalie!)
• i never fold my pajamas when i put them in the drawer every morning because who really cares if your pajamas are wrinkled?
• i dream about adopting little African children
• i dislike cleaning the toilet...really its just gross!
• the two times i have set off the fire alarm while cooking was when i was attempting to make mac and cheese
• i have also burnt easy mac...(forgot to add the water)
• despite my love-hate relationship with mac and cheese i do like cooking!
• i usually listen to at least one audrey assad song a day
• im like reading blogs better than checking facebook...however i still manage to check facebook at least once a day ;)
• i rarely finish books...i seriously have 5 books in my room that i have read half of, but for one reason or another have not finished...however! if i have finished it than you know its good!

So that's a little bit more about me...sometimes I'm a dork but Jesus loves me :)