Honduras!

I realized that I never mentioned on my blog that I was planning on going on a missions trip, but I will declare it now!
I left the U.S! I have stamp in my passport to prove it!!
About a week ago, I arrived back in the U.S. after one incredible week in Tegucigalpa, Honduras.  In an effort to not forget the work God did in my heart and the things He showed me there, I have decided to blog a little bit each week until I run out of things to say about it.  Warning: you might be reading about Honduras for the next few months ;)

 Where to start.....probably the beginning of the trip??

After we landed at the airport in Tegucigalpa we took a 50 minute bus ride up the mountain to La Casa De Esperanza (House of Hope), where we would be staying for the week.   

This bus ride was shocking for two main reasons.

Reason One: the way people drive. 

I have heard many stories about driving habits in other countries, but to experience it myself was awesome! It was crazy and wonderful and I loved it so much! Every bus ride was quite the adventure due the people we would see, the scenery we would see, the conversations we would have, and the things we would almost hit but by God's grace didn't.

Our incredible bus driver for the week:

Reason Two: the way people live.

Again, I have heard stories from people who have gone to various countries and seen poverty, I have seen pictures of poverty, and I even saw pictures of the poverty specifically in Tegucigalpa before I left, but I still wasn't prepared to see it myself.  I just wanted to cry the whole way up there, but in the best sort of way.  What I saw broke my heart and I pray continually that God will break my heart for what breaks His (maybe this is why I cry all the time).

What I saw was terrible. Cement shacks, one on top of the other (see picture 1), with tall brick walls around them and barbwire on-top of the walls.  People just standing around and doing nothing, not able to work was my assumption. Shoeless small children walking alone along the main road for anyone to take and use as they pleased.  Random donkeys and people in the grassy median that separated the four lanes of traffic. These people had no material things and no real purpose it seemed. At least in the U.S. we have material things right to mask the meaninglessness of life without Christ right?

  And so as soon as I got to my new bedroom I crawled up on my top bunk and wept.  I wept for the hurt and pain experienced by the people that I would meet the coming week. From what I saw, life in Tegucigalpa is hard.

Here is the very first sentences from in my journal I had in Honduras (written as a cried in my bed):

 "Without You there is no hope. Without You there is no purpose.

But with You there is unending hope and we get the greatest purpose bestowed on us:

TO GLORIFY THE KING."

(underlined and capitalized in my journal too)

And I as my heart broke, I still felt that God was moving in Tegucigalpa.  That wasn't because I could see Him physically. All my eyes saw were poverty and oppression, but there was something inside of me that knew there was something in the unseen that was good.  And I was determined to spend the coming week seeking God's glory in Tegucigalpa. After all, God finally brought me to a foreign country and darn it, I was going to see what He was doing there!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Growing Up...

Have you ever had that moment when you think "Am I really old enough for this?" This is the experience I had this past weekend as I watched my oldest and closest friend get married.

Last day of Kindergarten-1994                                                             Brittany's Wedding-2012

Every little girl dreams of her wedding day. It's just the way God made us I think. I definitely remember sitting on the couch in Brittany's room (because her room was huge) talking about boys, looking at bridal dresses in magazines her mom had gotten, and dreaming about our wedding days. At one point we might have dreamed up a double wedding ;) That truly doesn't seem that long ago.  But somehow time passes and she met the man of her dreams, we graduated high school, we went to Iowa State, she called me and told me she was engaged, and we went wedding dress shopping for real!  This was all great and it happened so gradually that it didn't seem that big of a deal.  However, I went home for her bridal shower a few months ago and I distinctly remember the moment when I was putting laundry in the washer at my parents house when I thought "Oh my gosh, Brittany's getting married." Tears filled my eyes then and they do now as I write this.

I'm not sure I can put into words how I felt/feel.  We're not little girls anymore.  We're not running around her farm and jumping on the trampoline, we're not going on family vacations to their cabin, we're not dressing up in our cute little 'Just for Kix' costumes, and I'm not even scared of dogs anymore. 

We only have one life and it goes fast.  And in this one life I think there are stages.  The stage of silliness and childishness is wonderful! I am so blessed to have been able to walk through the last 16 years with a wonderful friend, but the days of childishness are past. As I got to read at Brittany's wedding "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." 1 Cor. 13:11

 

So, we have come the stage of being an adult. In this stage we get to take the wisdom we have gained the last 16 years and use it to serve others. In this stage we get to do fun things like get a job that really matters, and decide who you want to marry and start a family with. I am so excited to see Brittany come into the role of wife and see how her new husband does with his role as well ;) 


So...ready or not...we are now grown ups!

Mr. and Mrs. Will Bartz

What is love?

"And so the policemen came over and over again, and took us away and my mama cried in the back of that police car, hands cuffed, and she told me that she loved me. And I knew in my little heart, as I looked up at her, tears streaming and mascara running, I knew that she really did love me. She just couldn't make it work."

This is the link to the post written by a woman who has been able to take her past hurts and see the beauty God has created from it.

Reading this blog post and seeing parents interact with their children at my internship this past semester, I found that to be true-the parents do love their children.  Parents who struggle to provide for their children or struggle to "love" them the way we think they should, do not do it for lack of loving their child.  Just because a parent losses their temper with their child or can't quit smoking or doing drugs or overcome a mental illness for their child, does not mean they don't love them. Does this mean they should have custody of them? No, but I think they do still love them.   I think that a lot of the time they can't adequately express that love because they have never been shown what love looks like.  Many of them have had parents who struggle with the very same thing they are struggling with.

Disclaimer: I am not sure how a parent could love their child and sexually abuse them, but there as to be some kind of love bond between a parent and child now matter what right??? The jury is still out on that one for me. Feel free to comment if you have any thoughts on that. But...

How do you know what love is? I know love because God has shown me His love by allowing Jesus to die an excruciating death on the Cross.  God's love is patient, kind, slow to anger, gentle, gracious, compassionate, faithful, and selfless. And before I was able to really comprehend what His love was like I was shown His love through the love of my parents.  My parents knew how to love me this way because their parents first loved them the very same way. Since Jesus has shown me and told me, I know what love is. And I know He calls me to share that love with others.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I feel it is important for us, as followers of Christ, to show His love to those who have never seen it before. I have seen that when you love with His love it is powerful and effective.  I mean, it captivated and changed your heart didn't it? I know it captivated mine, so how could it not captivate and change theirs as well?

God's Heart for the Oppressed

Facts:

• Every day 5,760 more children become orphans
• Each day 38,493 orphans age out (are released from the orphanage because of their age)
• Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family to belong to and no place to call home
• These studies also show that 60% of the girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become hardened criminals
• Another study reported that of the 15,000 orphans aging out of state-run institutions every year, 10% committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years…
• An estimated 1.2 million children are trafficked every year; (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)
• 2 million children, the majority of them girls, are sexually exploited in the multibillion-dollar commercial sex industry. (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)

(From http://www.orphanhopeintl.org/facts-statistics/)

Over the last year, as I have pursued God's heart for the orphaned, I have learned about the atrocity that is called human trafficking/prostitution.  If you read the facts above you will see how orphans and trafficking/prostitution are clearly closely related. These kids are not just numbers. Grouping the children together-1.2 million children trafficked-does not describe the individual lives that are being destroyed by men buying them for sex . Each one of the children that make up the 1.2 million child has a story. Each child has lost their parents most likely and some have even been sold into the sex industry by their parents. But, each child has been given life by the Creator, who gave you and me life. Therefore, their life is just as valuable as yours and mine. 

These trafficked children are being raped numerous times a day.  They are being fed little and some are kept in cages.  They likely know no human touch, except when they are being raped by men buying them for sex. They are full of shame and guilt for the life that they must live. Each trafficking situation is different, but they likely include one or all of these.

What is God's heart for these children?

He declares them His alone:

³ For this is what the Lord says:

“You were sold for nothing,
    and without money you will be redeemed. ”

Isaiah 52:3

He gave them Jesus:

“1Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
    my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
    and he will bring justice to the nations. "

3...in faithfulness he will bring forth justice...
4 He will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
    In his teaching the islands will put their hope.” 

Isaiah 42:1, 3-4 

He anoints us to help in His releasing them from captivity:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners.."

Isaiah 61:1

 

So that's what I'm doing. God has a different plan for all of us, but I am attempting to live my life in a way that is completely given to God for Him to use for His purposes, which for me I believe is the release and healing of these children.

Seeking God...Living for a Wedding Day

Changes cause reflection and I have experienced many changes recently, so I have been doing a lot of reflecting and here are some of my thoughts. They are revealing and honest, but here they are.

I look at the lives of a couple of women around me and at my own life and see that we have come out of a hard season. The seasons vary in difficulty, but they were still hard. The overall lesson learned after reflection: Seeking God is hard, but worth it to know more of His heart.

Sometimes seeking God's face isn't always going to be easy or fun.  Sometimes it means forgiving when you really don't want to and by worldly standards you really shouldn't have to forgive them. Sometimes it means giving up the comforts of your life to love the orphaned, when the orphaned don't necessarily even want/trust the love you offer.  It means giving your life fully to the healing of the brokenhearted without ever receiving a thank you.

Sometimes seeking God's face means trusting Him even if there seems to be quite a few unanswered prayers.  Sometimes it means choosing to trust Him when nothing makes any sense.  When you thought you had it all figured out and God reveals that He has different plans (and trusting that the different plans are better than your own).  To seek God's face no matter what circumstance you find yourself in. To trust that He is enough to get you through whatever heartache or hardship is happening in your life.

Sometimes following God means choosing to seek Him, although you may be completely worn out and just plain tired of seeking Him. Sometimes is a conscious choice to trust Him. Sometimes you have to choose to seek Him even when you feel the weight of the pain of the circumstance you or someone you love is experiencing and the weight feels heavier than what you can bear. 

To follow God means trusting Him and His goodness though pain and suffering seems to be all you can see.  If He is good then why is there all the pain and suffering? I have learned that there is not a simple textbook answer.  I have learned that God is far bigger than my question. While He loves me, He has not given me a mind that can comprehend all that He has done, is doing, and will do.  I must trust Him for the things of today and tomorrow, knowing that He is good-no matter what. And I as trust Him, I will fall deeper in love with Him. This is His desire and this is what is happening in my life.

And in reflection of the hard seasons I have seen God come through so clearly in both my life and my friends.  I have listened to these women speak of the wisdom they have gained and been so encouraged by their ability to stay steadfast in faith--no matter what. I am so grateful for the example of that these women, whose faith is solid and unchanging. If they can trust Jesus with the hard things then so can I and together we see Jesus move in both our lives.

So after the hard season this is what has happened. My faith has been strengthened and I know God's heart better.  I am more in love with Him, the Creator of my heart. I trust Him and trust that one day I will see His face and experience a wedding day, standing before the Lover of my soul dressed in white. Knowing that everything I did for Him was not in vain, but absolutely worth it to show my love and devotion to Him, for He is love and He is good.

My weakness and His strength

Do you ever get to the point where you have had enough? Where you truly come to the end of your flesh? You know that point where you honestly come before God and say "I want to do what you are asking me to do, but I can't do it in my flesh. I need Your strength." Or sometimes there's the "I don't want to do what You are asking me and seriously doubt my ability to do that anyway, so You're gonna have to change my heart AND give me the strength the do what You're asking me.." These are truly conversations that happen in my head (well, i might whine a little more in my head but you get the point).  This semester has been filled with more of these conversations than in any previous semester.  

Honestly, these conversations hurt. If you have had these experiences you know what I'm talking about. We as humans really like to rely on our flesh and would rather avoid painful experiences, but Jesus is changing my heart towards wanting to avoid hard things-so much to the point that trials are almost exciting.  Because I know that after the pain and tears I will know God's love in such a deeper way.  That doesn't mean that the process isn't difficult.  This process in my life looks something like this: First, comes the revelation of my sin-followed by tears.  Then I have to humbly confess it and not just to God, but to a trusted friend(s)-more tears. Then this is when Jesus' beauty is a little more evident because my friends can speak correction and encouragement into the sin in my heart-more tears at the revelation of His beauty. Jesus meets me in the mess of my heart and shines a new light.  A transforming light. It hurts, but there is beauty (and joyful tears) to be found there.

This past semester has very much been about God clearly displaying the weakness of my flesh and my inability to do what God is asking, and all about God's strength.  When I cannot walk anymore, He carries me.  This is the relationship we have:  He asks me to do something and I say "No thanks God, I'm clearly too weak for that." BUT, when you tell God you are too weak for something then you better be careful because He is likely to lead you to do that very thing and His strength will be clearly on display the whole time. It's like He is flexing His muscles. After I tell Him no thanks, He proceeds to change my heart AND gives me the strength to do it.

So, what was the biggest lesson I learned this semester?  I am incredibly weak and God is incredibly strong. Paul had some thoughts on this...

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Where is the Beauty?

²⁷ Then the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around him. ²⁸ They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, ²⁹ and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. ³⁰ They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. ³¹After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him. 

Matthew 27:27-31

God has been challenging me to see what His beauty really looks like.  It is easy to see His beauty when things are easy and going "right".  It is easy to see His beauty when the sun is shining, birds are singing, and big puffy white clouds are floating overhead.  It is easy to see His beauty in a child's smile who knows they are safe and dearly loved by their parents. It is easy to see His beauty in the scriptures when it describes Jesus sitting among the people and children, listening intently to Him preach.

But is there beauty when it's rain in coming down so hard that you can't see?  Where is the beauty in the death of a loved one, when someone is sexually assaulted, when suffering comes, when darkness seems to be inescapable?  Where is the beauty when evil seems to be overtaking all good things?  Where is the beauty in the King of the World, the One who loves perfectly, comes in flesh to this world and is stripped naked?  Where is the beauty when the One who holds my heart has blood dripping down His forehead from a crown of thorns? These things don't seem beautiful, but it is there we just have to look closer.

In my Jesus' nakedness and the dripping blood, my God is showing me His love.  He is in the process of writing the greatest love story I will ever know.  That a perfect God would send His perfect Son to earth, knowing that ones He came to save would beat Him close to death and hang Him on a cross to die.  Then three days after dying, the Son would rise.  He would come back to life, conquering death.  Showing that even in pain, suffering, and death, God's love could not be hidden.  His beauty cannot be hidden. 

Even in the ugly of the world, God uses suffering to draw us ever nearer to Him. Where is the beauty in death? Death of loved one means that they finally get to experience Heaven, a place where there is no pain or suffering. And those remaining on earth must rely even more on God. Where is the beauty in sexual assault? It can bring life into the world and that baby can bless a family who couldn't have a baby on their own. Or the process of healing from the assault could lead the survivor to know Jesus for the very first time.  I am not saying that these things are not devastating and cause your entire world to change. They are incredibly difficult things to experience and require a process of grieving, but there is beauty to be found in even the ugliest of situations.

So when things look ugly and terrible on the surface, if the situation looks awful and painful, full of darkness, I am learning to look deeper. I am learning to look with the eyes Jesus died to give me.  That does not mean I don't weep over the pain or that my heart doesn't break when I see these things.  But with these new eyes He has given me, God is unveiling a deeper beauty that causes me to fall ever deeper in love with the One who made ALL THINGS beautiful.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11