I feel His love...

I am simply in awe of the way God chooses to glorify Himself. For some reason He has chosen to glorify Himself by loving me in sheer abundance from the day I took my first breath on this earth. Joy overwhelms my heart to reflect on the incredibly power of His love.  There is nothing that compares with it. His love makes all things work together for my good. When He loves me I experience the deepest parts of my heart being satisfied. And somehow I know that He delights greatly in the moments when I fully let Him come in and love me. When I let Him come in and satisfy the deepest longings of my heart, He rejoices.  In the moments of hard painful surrender, He is calling me deeper into His heart.  He knows what comes after the pain. He knows I will know Him better. He knows I will know more of His heart.

He is calling me deeper into His heart. And as I adventure deeper, I am transformed and He receives glory. The words of my mouth are different, my actions are not the same, the desires of my heart are different. I am not the same. I desire to do His will and not my own. I am willing to walk into the pain and darkness because I just want others to know the love that burns in my heart. I am willing to do what others would call crazy because I want to see His face. I have learned that in the hardest moments, that is when He is most visible.

How could I not be head over heels in love with a God who chooses to glorify Himself in loving me, in satisfying the deepest longings of my heart? It's not a choice, it's just a response to experiencing a love that nothing else can even compete with.

He is love and He is mine.

Learning to be Loved...

I feel like the last 6 months have been an intense lesson of learning how God loves me.  

This is what I have learned:

He loves us enough to hurt us

Before you go thinking I'm crazy, let me explain. 

I put this together in Honduras.

God says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2 NIV

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.

Romans 5:3-5 NLT

Jesus takes us through the hard things because He knows that if we aren't forced to come to the end of our own ability, if we don't have to completely rely on His strength then we won't.  We will simply try do all things in our strength and He receives little glory. In life, when all seems lost and broken and painful, He can see what is come to come. He can see the beauty just over the mountain. He just asks us to let Him be our strength to get to the top.  So, when we let Him help us, He gives us the strength to do the impossible, and He receives all glory. This is an extremely painful process, but oh so incredibly worth it. We gain a new perspective of His love. A perspective that holds an indescribable beauty.

His love is constant

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us form God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below--indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

His love is not dependent on our actions or response to Him.  His love has always been and always will be. He has known my face, my heart, my every sin. And He has loved me enough to take the punishment deserved for sin.  He knew I would stubbornly resist His love. He knew I would never be able to fully comprehend His love while on earth, but He that didn't stop Him. He saw how I would rejoice in Him as I learned of His love. He saw how He could be glorified in my life.  He saw how His love could transform my life and be used to transform the lives around me.  He saw the beauty that would come, so He suffered. He was beaten to the point of death. He has loved me enough to take the punishment deserved for my sin. And when it seemed the enemy had won, He rose from the dead. He returned in glory.  He returned to make His love known among the earth. He returned to make His love known in my heart. He returned to set the captive free.

So, this is what I have learned the last couple of months....He lets us experience pain of coming to the end of ourselves, so that we know the strength of His healing love. And His love is not affected by my lack of obedience or understanding. His love is forever. His love is extravagant.

Be Loved-Christy Nockels

Have you ever let yourself be loved by the one who made you?

Have you every told yourself to believe that His heart is on your side?

You could even try to run away, but there is nothing you can do

So just be loved, be loved, He loves you

Have you ever let yourself be held by the One who holds this world?

Have you ever told your soul to rejoice that His arms are open wide?

You could even try to run away, but He'd come running after you

So just be held, be held, He holds you

We didn't earn it, He just chose to give it, 

and it's in our resting that we rise up singing rejoice,

again I say rejoice.

You are loved, be loved, He loves you.

On to a new chapter and into the glorious

Life is like an exciting book, and every year starts a new chapter. -Unknown

This is the quote I found in my journal today. God is sovereign.  Today, on the eve of a new chapter, I am reflecting on God's faithfulness.

He has been faithful to provide an amazing place in Ames, to allow me to create a solid foundation of faith, on which, I will build the rest of my life.  He was faithful to bring amazing people into my life to teach me just the right lesson and speak the right truth at just the right time. He was faithful to provide sound Bible teaching. He was faithful to provide a place where I could learn to worship Him freely and imtimately. He has been faithful to take me out of my comfort zone and challenge me to move to Cedar Falls.  He has been faithful to get me into graduate school and fill me truth the take on the challenges that I will face the next two years.

Yes, God has been incredibly faithful, but I have been incredibly faithless.

If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

I am ashamed to admit that if you have walked the last 6 months with me, you know how I have worried and doubted God. How I have feared God's provision of all that I need.  But in my faithlessness God has provided a great job, the most amazing new home, incredible new friends, and a new place to worship.

My life is proof that in faithlessness, He is faithful.

So, I want to try something new this school year.  Instead of looking all that I will have to accomplish this semester, I will choose to trust.  I will choose to have faith. Faith that God will push me to the end of the possible, so that I might see Him do the impossible in my daily life. Yes, this is most definitely going to hurt. Coming to end of yourself is never pleasant, but I will have faith that God will meet me there and usher me into the glorious-into a more intimate knowledge of His abundant love.

No song better describes my heart stepping into this new year, this new chapter....

Out from the ordinary into extraordinary,

And this is a heart cry, from my life to say I love, 

Lord, I love you,

Take me deeper,

I can hear You calling, inviting me in,

Into the glorious

Jesus Loves Me--the murderer

Part of a journal entry from July 27th...

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

~Jesus, thank you. Thank you for bearing my sin on the cross. You were perfect, but boar the weight of my sin. Willing to get messing and take on the full punishment of my sin--killing You. My sin was heavy enough to kill You. But because of Your power You overcame death. You not only overcame death, but You chose to love the murderer. The very person who's sins killed You. You love her more than she will ever comprehend. You love her beyond what she can see. Even as she grows in understanding of Your love she will still doubt, still fear, still desire her own will and make her own her plans. But You will pursue her with faithfulness and goodness. Determined for her to know Your perfect love for her. Because the Cross was just the beginning of Your displaying Your love to her.~

Jesus loves me, a murderer. And you loves you too. He is love. He defines love. And He is enough.

Washing hair-Honduran style!

How adorable is she!?

6 weeks ago today I was in Honduras, having finished up my first day in children's ministry.  That was quite a day.  If you know me or read my blog at all, you know my heart for the orphaned and children. As you can imagine, I was fairly excited to spend time with these children in foreign countries that I have been fantasizing about showing Jesus' love to for quite some time now...we're talking years.

However, in my flesh I am so weak.  The first night in Honduras we were told specifically how we would have to wash lice of the children's hair.  Like decipher who had lice and who didn't, scrub lice shampoo in their hair, and then dump ice cold water on their heads (though they never flinched), and reshampoo and condition their hair, and finally comb out the dead lice.

Again, if you know me you know crawling things freak me out and I'm a slight freak about germs.  So this lice business was totally out of my comfort zone and not something I was looking forward to. Honestly, I was kinda hoping I could do something else within the children ministry, but in God's sovereignty He completely changed my heart. 

² The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. ³ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴ so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵ After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

John 13:2-5

You can bet that this scripture was the topic of the sermon our team heard at the Honduran church service we attended the Sunday before we started our week serving the people of Honduras. So, if Jesus, the most perfect and holy man to walk on earth, knowing the disciples wretchedness, can take off His outer garments and kneel to wash disgusting feet then...How the heck am I to tell Him, who was crucified for me (hung across with nails piercing through His hands for all my sin), "Um, I'm not really comfortable washing lice of these children's hair, so could I do something else?"

Answer: I didn't. I humbled myself at the foot of the Cross and washed those beautiful children's hair. And you know what? Next to praying with all the women in evangelism, washing their hair was my favorite thing!! I loved being able to wash it (semi)-clean and to pray over each child as I did it. Don't you enjoy having your head rubbed and hair washed? I do and I got to do that for many Honduran children who rarely get their hair washed. I loved it and I got to do it standing next to two other women from my team. I loved be able to serve as team, side-by-side, showing these children Jesus the best we can. 

 Waiting...

I will never forget this little guy's face.

Getting hair brushed after it's all clean...

These girls hung around both days we were in their neighborhood.

"Always a Bridesmaid"..and loving it ;)

I thought it would be fun to reflect and share some photos from all the weddings I have been blessed to be in the last 4 months. God has taught me something from each wedding.

The first wedding I was in was a friend, Jenny,  who's studying at Iowa State, but came to Ames from Taiwan. It was amazing to that when God has a plan to bring two people together, oceans will not keep them apart.

Jenny and her bridesmaids :)

The second wedding I was in was a friend who I have known since I was five.  At this wedding I came to the shocking realization that ready or not, we are now grown-ups. Read more about my thoughts here.

Brittany and Will Bartz

My friend Jaime, was the next to get married. Seeing how God has brought them together as been such a blessing. The emphasis at their wedding ceremony was the reminder of a great wedding day described in Revelations, where we (the church) are considered God's bride.

⁶ Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

“Hallelujah!
    For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
⁷ Let us rejoice and be glad
    and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
    and his bride has made herself ready.
⁸ Fine linen, bright and clean,
    was given her to wear.”

(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)

⁹ Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” 

Revelation 19: 6-9

Jaime and Nathan Brinkman

 

Another friend from high school, Kelsey, got married this past weekend.  The bride and groom have been friends since middle school and Jharred said he just always knew he would marry Kelsey. Yup, you can do a collective "awww..."Their friendship has lasted about a decade and now they are husband and wife. I love that :)

I really really love wedding days.  I love seeing the excitement on the bride's face in the morning as she comes to the realization that she is getting married today!! I love seeing her get readying--hair and make-up and dress--and then seeing her face as she looks at herself in the mirror, knowing she is beautiful. I love seeing the groom look at his bride in adoration of her beauty.  I love being able to stand-up next to them as they each make one of the largest commitment they will ever make--to love the person standing across from them for rest of their lives. I love being able to now see what God has in store for each couple as husband and wife :)

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love does not envy

Love does not boast

Love is not proud

Love always protects

Love always trusts

Love always hopes

Love always perseveres

Love never fails

1 Cor. 13

3 Weeks Ago...

Becky and I ready for Day 1!!

This is what I was doing 3 weeks ago. I was in Honduras, starting our first brigade day.  Looking back I think that Monday was my favorite day of the whole trip.  I got to do adult evangelism!!

This meant that I got to sit next to an amazing translator as those who received medical care would come to our area, for us to share the Gospel with them or just encourage them in their walk with God. Most of them were woman who had many children and most likely no husband.  I was a little nervous about being able to have the strength to hear their stories and not fall apart and feel completely overwhelmed by their pain. But, God is faithful!

Monday morning I was journaling before we left for the day and this is the verse that was in my journal...

"For the spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners." Isaiah 61:1

God reminded me that this is what He has gifted me with being able to do. He has given me the desire to come along side those who are hurting because of hard life circumstances, and to love and encourage them. That's what I LOVE doing! And He brought me to Tegucigalpa to meet the 14 women I met to day and love them like Jesus for the 15-20 minutes I got to spend with them. 

And as I met with them God met with both of us.  God gently loved me, whiled I loved them.  As I listened to their hurts and heard their prayer requests, I realized my extreme inability to help them.  Their circumstances were beyond anything I could help with and their pain was too deep for me to heal in just 15-20 minutes. So, I did the only thing I knew to do, pray. I couldn't help them, but I have learned that when I am weak, God is strong.  So, I held their hands and lifted up their needs to the One who gives us exactly what we need when we need it, despite when we think we need it. I asked God to meet their needs and protect them, that was why I was there. I wasn't there to help them find jobs or save them from alcoholic and abusive sons or husbands. I wasn't there to help to single moms take care of their 6 children. [Although, you can bet I wanted to ;)] I was there to tell them about Jesus and about how He helps them and strengthens them.  I reminded them of the hope in Heaven. That's why God brought our two very different lives together for a short time here on earth.

One family, seeking after God despite hard circumstances.

Some of the ladies on our team..rockin' the scrubs look all week :)

What evangelism looks like...a translator, a North American,
and a patient

So, that was my first brigade day. Loving those women and coming before God with them and lifting them up. I loved every short moment of it. It truly was a desire fulfilled. I can't wait until I can do more of it, but for now I'm being equipped through graduate school.  That's what God has and He knows best. So, I wait patiently (most of the time) until I get to do it again ;)