Jesus Loves Me--the murderer

Part of a journal entry from July 27th...

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

~Jesus, thank you. Thank you for bearing my sin on the cross. You were perfect, but boar the weight of my sin. Willing to get messing and take on the full punishment of my sin--killing You. My sin was heavy enough to kill You. But because of Your power You overcame death. You not only overcame death, but You chose to love the murderer. The very person who's sins killed You. You love her more than she will ever comprehend. You love her beyond what she can see. Even as she grows in understanding of Your love she will still doubt, still fear, still desire her own will and make her own her plans. But You will pursue her with faithfulness and goodness. Determined for her to know Your perfect love for her. Because the Cross was just the beginning of Your displaying Your love to her.~

Jesus loves me, a murderer. And you loves you too. He is love. He defines love. And He is enough.

Washing hair-Honduran style!

How adorable is she!?

6 weeks ago today I was in Honduras, having finished up my first day in children's ministry.  That was quite a day.  If you know me or read my blog at all, you know my heart for the orphaned and children. As you can imagine, I was fairly excited to spend time with these children in foreign countries that I have been fantasizing about showing Jesus' love to for quite some time now...we're talking years.

However, in my flesh I am so weak.  The first night in Honduras we were told specifically how we would have to wash lice of the children's hair.  Like decipher who had lice and who didn't, scrub lice shampoo in their hair, and then dump ice cold water on their heads (though they never flinched), and reshampoo and condition their hair, and finally comb out the dead lice.

Again, if you know me you know crawling things freak me out and I'm a slight freak about germs.  So this lice business was totally out of my comfort zone and not something I was looking forward to. Honestly, I was kinda hoping I could do something else within the children ministry, but in God's sovereignty He completely changed my heart. 

² The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. ³ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴ so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵ After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

John 13:2-5

You can bet that this scripture was the topic of the sermon our team heard at the Honduran church service we attended the Sunday before we started our week serving the people of Honduras. So, if Jesus, the most perfect and holy man to walk on earth, knowing the disciples wretchedness, can take off His outer garments and kneel to wash disgusting feet then...How the heck am I to tell Him, who was crucified for me (hung across with nails piercing through His hands for all my sin), "Um, I'm not really comfortable washing lice of these children's hair, so could I do something else?"

Answer: I didn't. I humbled myself at the foot of the Cross and washed those beautiful children's hair. And you know what? Next to praying with all the women in evangelism, washing their hair was my favorite thing!! I loved being able to wash it (semi)-clean and to pray over each child as I did it. Don't you enjoy having your head rubbed and hair washed? I do and I got to do that for many Honduran children who rarely get their hair washed. I loved it and I got to do it standing next to two other women from my team. I loved be able to serve as team, side-by-side, showing these children Jesus the best we can. 

 Waiting...

I will never forget this little guy's face.

Getting hair brushed after it's all clean...

These girls hung around both days we were in their neighborhood.

"Always a Bridesmaid"..and loving it ;)

I thought it would be fun to reflect and share some photos from all the weddings I have been blessed to be in the last 4 months. God has taught me something from each wedding.

The first wedding I was in was a friend, Jenny,  who's studying at Iowa State, but came to Ames from Taiwan. It was amazing to that when God has a plan to bring two people together, oceans will not keep them apart.

Jenny and her bridesmaids :)

The second wedding I was in was a friend who I have known since I was five.  At this wedding I came to the shocking realization that ready or not, we are now grown-ups. Read more about my thoughts here.

Brittany and Will Bartz

My friend Jaime, was the next to get married. Seeing how God has brought them together as been such a blessing. The emphasis at their wedding ceremony was the reminder of a great wedding day described in Revelations, where we (the church) are considered God's bride.

⁶ Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

“Hallelujah!
    For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
⁷ Let us rejoice and be glad
    and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
    and his bride has made herself ready.
⁸ Fine linen, bright and clean,
    was given her to wear.”

(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)

⁹ Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” 

Revelation 19: 6-9

Jaime and Nathan Brinkman

 

Another friend from high school, Kelsey, got married this past weekend.  The bride and groom have been friends since middle school and Jharred said he just always knew he would marry Kelsey. Yup, you can do a collective "awww..."Their friendship has lasted about a decade and now they are husband and wife. I love that :)

I really really love wedding days.  I love seeing the excitement on the bride's face in the morning as she comes to the realization that she is getting married today!! I love seeing her get readying--hair and make-up and dress--and then seeing her face as she looks at herself in the mirror, knowing she is beautiful. I love seeing the groom look at his bride in adoration of her beauty.  I love being able to stand-up next to them as they each make one of the largest commitment they will ever make--to love the person standing across from them for rest of their lives. I love being able to now see what God has in store for each couple as husband and wife :)

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love does not envy

Love does not boast

Love is not proud

Love always protects

Love always trusts

Love always hopes

Love always perseveres

Love never fails

1 Cor. 13

3 Weeks Ago...

Becky and I ready for Day 1!!

This is what I was doing 3 weeks ago. I was in Honduras, starting our first brigade day.  Looking back I think that Monday was my favorite day of the whole trip.  I got to do adult evangelism!!

This meant that I got to sit next to an amazing translator as those who received medical care would come to our area, for us to share the Gospel with them or just encourage them in their walk with God. Most of them were woman who had many children and most likely no husband.  I was a little nervous about being able to have the strength to hear their stories and not fall apart and feel completely overwhelmed by their pain. But, God is faithful!

Monday morning I was journaling before we left for the day and this is the verse that was in my journal...

"For the spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners." Isaiah 61:1

God reminded me that this is what He has gifted me with being able to do. He has given me the desire to come along side those who are hurting because of hard life circumstances, and to love and encourage them. That's what I LOVE doing! And He brought me to Tegucigalpa to meet the 14 women I met to day and love them like Jesus for the 15-20 minutes I got to spend with them. 

And as I met with them God met with both of us.  God gently loved me, whiled I loved them.  As I listened to their hurts and heard their prayer requests, I realized my extreme inability to help them.  Their circumstances were beyond anything I could help with and their pain was too deep for me to heal in just 15-20 minutes. So, I did the only thing I knew to do, pray. I couldn't help them, but I have learned that when I am weak, God is strong.  So, I held their hands and lifted up their needs to the One who gives us exactly what we need when we need it, despite when we think we need it. I asked God to meet their needs and protect them, that was why I was there. I wasn't there to help them find jobs or save them from alcoholic and abusive sons or husbands. I wasn't there to help to single moms take care of their 6 children. [Although, you can bet I wanted to ;)] I was there to tell them about Jesus and about how He helps them and strengthens them.  I reminded them of the hope in Heaven. That's why God brought our two very different lives together for a short time here on earth.

One family, seeking after God despite hard circumstances.

Some of the ladies on our team..rockin' the scrubs look all week :)

What evangelism looks like...a translator, a North American,
and a patient

So, that was my first brigade day. Loving those women and coming before God with them and lifting them up. I loved every short moment of it. It truly was a desire fulfilled. I can't wait until I can do more of it, but for now I'm being equipped through graduate school.  That's what God has and He knows best. So, I wait patiently (most of the time) until I get to do it again ;)

Honduras!

I realized that I never mentioned on my blog that I was planning on going on a missions trip, but I will declare it now!
I left the U.S! I have stamp in my passport to prove it!!
About a week ago, I arrived back in the U.S. after one incredible week in Tegucigalpa, Honduras.  In an effort to not forget the work God did in my heart and the things He showed me there, I have decided to blog a little bit each week until I run out of things to say about it.  Warning: you might be reading about Honduras for the next few months ;)

 Where to start.....probably the beginning of the trip??

After we landed at the airport in Tegucigalpa we took a 50 minute bus ride up the mountain to La Casa De Esperanza (House of Hope), where we would be staying for the week.   

This bus ride was shocking for two main reasons.

Reason One: the way people drive. 

I have heard many stories about driving habits in other countries, but to experience it myself was awesome! It was crazy and wonderful and I loved it so much! Every bus ride was quite the adventure due the people we would see, the scenery we would see, the conversations we would have, and the things we would almost hit but by God's grace didn't.

Our incredible bus driver for the week:

Reason Two: the way people live.

Again, I have heard stories from people who have gone to various countries and seen poverty, I have seen pictures of poverty, and I even saw pictures of the poverty specifically in Tegucigalpa before I left, but I still wasn't prepared to see it myself.  I just wanted to cry the whole way up there, but in the best sort of way.  What I saw broke my heart and I pray continually that God will break my heart for what breaks His (maybe this is why I cry all the time).

What I saw was terrible. Cement shacks, one on top of the other (see picture 1), with tall brick walls around them and barbwire on-top of the walls.  People just standing around and doing nothing, not able to work was my assumption. Shoeless small children walking alone along the main road for anyone to take and use as they pleased.  Random donkeys and people in the grassy median that separated the four lanes of traffic. These people had no material things and no real purpose it seemed. At least in the U.S. we have material things right to mask the meaninglessness of life without Christ right?

  And so as soon as I got to my new bedroom I crawled up on my top bunk and wept.  I wept for the hurt and pain experienced by the people that I would meet the coming week. From what I saw, life in Tegucigalpa is hard.

Here is the very first sentences from in my journal I had in Honduras (written as a cried in my bed):

 "Without You there is no hope. Without You there is no purpose.

But with You there is unending hope and we get the greatest purpose bestowed on us:

TO GLORIFY THE KING."

(underlined and capitalized in my journal too)

And I as my heart broke, I still felt that God was moving in Tegucigalpa.  That wasn't because I could see Him physically. All my eyes saw were poverty and oppression, but there was something inside of me that knew there was something in the unseen that was good.  And I was determined to spend the coming week seeking God's glory in Tegucigalpa. After all, God finally brought me to a foreign country and darn it, I was going to see what He was doing there!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Growing Up...

Have you ever had that moment when you think "Am I really old enough for this?" This is the experience I had this past weekend as I watched my oldest and closest friend get married.

Last day of Kindergarten-1994                                                             Brittany's Wedding-2012

Every little girl dreams of her wedding day. It's just the way God made us I think. I definitely remember sitting on the couch in Brittany's room (because her room was huge) talking about boys, looking at bridal dresses in magazines her mom had gotten, and dreaming about our wedding days. At one point we might have dreamed up a double wedding ;) That truly doesn't seem that long ago.  But somehow time passes and she met the man of her dreams, we graduated high school, we went to Iowa State, she called me and told me she was engaged, and we went wedding dress shopping for real!  This was all great and it happened so gradually that it didn't seem that big of a deal.  However, I went home for her bridal shower a few months ago and I distinctly remember the moment when I was putting laundry in the washer at my parents house when I thought "Oh my gosh, Brittany's getting married." Tears filled my eyes then and they do now as I write this.

I'm not sure I can put into words how I felt/feel.  We're not little girls anymore.  We're not running around her farm and jumping on the trampoline, we're not going on family vacations to their cabin, we're not dressing up in our cute little 'Just for Kix' costumes, and I'm not even scared of dogs anymore. 

We only have one life and it goes fast.  And in this one life I think there are stages.  The stage of silliness and childishness is wonderful! I am so blessed to have been able to walk through the last 16 years with a wonderful friend, but the days of childishness are past. As I got to read at Brittany's wedding "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." 1 Cor. 13:11

 

So, we have come the stage of being an adult. In this stage we get to take the wisdom we have gained the last 16 years and use it to serve others. In this stage we get to do fun things like get a job that really matters, and decide who you want to marry and start a family with. I am so excited to see Brittany come into the role of wife and see how her new husband does with his role as well ;) 


So...ready or not...we are now grown ups!

Mr. and Mrs. Will Bartz

What is love?

"And so the policemen came over and over again, and took us away and my mama cried in the back of that police car, hands cuffed, and she told me that she loved me. And I knew in my little heart, as I looked up at her, tears streaming and mascara running, I knew that she really did love me. She just couldn't make it work."

This is the link to the post written by a woman who has been able to take her past hurts and see the beauty God has created from it.

Reading this blog post and seeing parents interact with their children at my internship this past semester, I found that to be true-the parents do love their children.  Parents who struggle to provide for their children or struggle to "love" them the way we think they should, do not do it for lack of loving their child.  Just because a parent losses their temper with their child or can't quit smoking or doing drugs or overcome a mental illness for their child, does not mean they don't love them. Does this mean they should have custody of them? No, but I think they do still love them.   I think that a lot of the time they can't adequately express that love because they have never been shown what love looks like.  Many of them have had parents who struggle with the very same thing they are struggling with.

Disclaimer: I am not sure how a parent could love their child and sexually abuse them, but there as to be some kind of love bond between a parent and child now matter what right??? The jury is still out on that one for me. Feel free to comment if you have any thoughts on that. But...

How do you know what love is? I know love because God has shown me His love by allowing Jesus to die an excruciating death on the Cross.  God's love is patient, kind, slow to anger, gentle, gracious, compassionate, faithful, and selfless. And before I was able to really comprehend what His love was like I was shown His love through the love of my parents.  My parents knew how to love me this way because their parents first loved them the very same way. Since Jesus has shown me and told me, I know what love is. And I know He calls me to share that love with others.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I feel it is important for us, as followers of Christ, to show His love to those who have never seen it before. I have seen that when you love with His love it is powerful and effective.  I mean, it captivated and changed your heart didn't it? I know it captivated mine, so how could it not captivate and change theirs as well?