For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
Psalm 84:11
I have tried to be as honest and as transparent on my blog as possible and I have exposed parts of my heart I'm not entirely sure I want to expose. However, God graciously gifts me with powerful bits of wisdom and I know I am blessed to be a blessing. So, at the urging of a new and pretty wonderful friend I am writing this post about a specific bit of wisdom God continuously uses to bring peace to my heart. I hope and pray that God uses this truth to bring peace to any restless hearts out there.
The Lie: Because I do not have what my heart desires God is punishing me. I am not holy enough. I do not love Him enough. My sin has tainted me and broken me in such a way that I might never be able to receive the desires of my heart.
The Truth: God withholds no good thing. If it was best for you to have whatever it is your heart desires right now, then you would have it. If God has decided not to gift you with whatever your heart desires right now, then it would not be good for you to have it. It is not His best for you. Period.
Satan has told me and I have believed every one of those lies. God has graciously spoken that powerful truth into the depths of my heart, setting me free from the despair that came when I believed those lies. Truth does bring inexpressible joy.
My heart desires many things I do not have. Recognize that my following desires are not bad and I honestly think God placed them in my heart for a reason. I desire to adopt. I desire to love and be a part of the healing process for the orphaned and women who have been trafficked. I desire to travel and live in other countries. I desire to use all the wisdom I am gaining in my classes to help the oppressed and marginalized. I desire to be married.
My heart desires many things I do not have. Recognize that my following desires are not bad and I honestly think God placed them in my heart for a reason. I desire to adopt. I desire to love and be a part of the healing process for the orphaned and women who have been trafficked. I desire to travel and live in other countries. I desire to use all the wisdom I am gaining in my classes to help the oppressed and marginalized. I desire to be married.
Also, I fully recognize that not everyone has these same desires, but I've discovered that there are more kindred spirits out there than I once thought who do have similar desires ;)
I first began to understand the power of the above bolded truth about two years ago (read here). I have been wrestling for numerous years with a desire to do missions in foreign countries and God has continuously closed the door. However, most recently this truth has been brought to mind when wrestling with the desire to be married. Last summer I was blessed to be a part of numerous weddings. Almost every weekend for two months was filled with a dress fitting, a bridal shower, a fun bachlorette party or a beautiful wedding. Being a part of each wedding was truly a gift and God showed me something unique through each couple.
However, if I'm being honest there were some difficult moments when I would get a little (or a lot depending on the day) frustrated that God still hadn't given me the gift of marriage. Through my joyfully engaged and eventually married friends I could easily see the beauty in each wedding day and the amazingness of marriage. Side note: A bride's joy on her wedding day has got to be one of these most beautiful things on the face of the earth. Right up there with the joy of new mom.
In the moments of my frustration God whispered this beautiful truth.
Beloved, I know you. I made you. I know what is good for you. If marriage is good and truly best for you right now, I would abundantly give you such a gift.
I could choose to respond two different ways to this beautifully hard truth spoken to my heart by the Lover of my soul. I could respond in rebellion, choosing to ignore Him and decide to take matters into my own hands. OR. I could choose to trust Him, seek Him more intensely, asking Him to open my eyes to the ways He is lavishing His extravagant love on me now and asking Him lavish that love on me even more. I'm a little needy sometimes ;)
I chose the latter. I started memorizing 1 Corinthians 13. I spent more time with Him on walks, in prayer, journaling, diving into His Word. I told Him the desires of my heart and surrendered them to Him to satisfy Himself. Was it easy? No, discipline was required. Did it allow me to fully embrace the beauty of each of my friends' weddings and allow me to feel God's heart rejoicing as they each exchanged their marriage vows? Yes
God is good. Period. He gives different gifts at different times. Right now I have been gifted with singleness. After much wrestling I can say that I am truly grateful for this gift. God knows me best. He knows what I need. If it was best for me to be married and/or living in a different country then I would be. Since neither is true of my life right now then it is because it is better for me not to be. God withholds no good thing from me.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
Psalm 84:11
