Friends: Proof of God's Gracious Love

You know those people that come into your life at perfect opportune times in your life and you know that God had to have sent them to you because there is just no other way to explain the incredible impact they have made on your life?

I have had MANY of these encounters. It seems that every person I meet has a certain lesson(s) that God has specifically ordained for me to learn from them. When reflecting on this and those encounters  there are 4 specific women who have a distinctly LARGE impact on my life.

These four women were brought into my life four years ago. I met them my freshman year at Iowa State. The great thing about college is that you get to meet lots of new people. In this season of my life God brought each of these four women into my life through a Bible study I attended. This is picture from our first outing to Jenny's house. We watched Anne of Green Gables. I knew I had definitely encountered some "kindred spirits"in these ladies. 

2008

The following four years would be a time of incredible growth in my relationship with God. These four women knew Jesus and He has given them each different perspectives in which to see Him. I have learned so much from each of their lives and their walks with Jesus. 

As we studied His word together, prayed together, and just lived life together (some of us in Apt. 4), something extraordinary happened-a bond formed that goes deeper then the natural. These women have seen me at my worst. They know every secret. They know my fears. They know my many weaknesses. They have listened to my whining (thanks ladies). One of them even sat with me for hours in a Bible Camp cabin bathroom while the stomach flu hit me hard (thanks Jenny!). 

Through all of that, they have been a beautiful display of God's love in my life. They have spoken Truth into painful moments. They have called me out on sin issues. They have prayed, oh, have they prayed. We have worshipped together. We have served together. We have wrestled through some of the hard questions life brings. Together we have seen Jesus do incredible things-things that seemed impossible (at least to me) were possible right before our eyes.

2010-A Vacation to Duluth

2011-One of our more ridiculous moments.
We took "Tabitha" for a 22 mile bike ride.

We went camping for vacation. Thanks to these women I now sorta enjoy tent camping...
an example of the impossible made possible ;)

2012-In Kansas City this fall visiting Anna. Nicole would be the little thing Anna's holding. 

Together we have grown and matured. They had the distinct pleasure (or misfortune...depends on how you look at it ;)) of seeing me at the very beginning of my walk with God and being a part of God teaching and growing me. These women are incredible and words will never be able to express how grateful I am for each of them. Life on this earth is so short, but I am forever grateful I get to live it with these women and see the way Jesus works through them. Even if we don't live in the same country (which seems highly likely and has already happened in short increments) God will continue to show His mercy to us and glorify Himself in our lives.

This weekend-Getting together before Jenny leaves the country for 6 months

I know Jesus better because of them and for that I give God all the glory. 

I love you Anna, Natalie, Jenny, and Nicole! :)

I feel His love...

I am simply in awe of the way God chooses to glorify Himself. For some reason He has chosen to glorify Himself by loving me in sheer abundance from the day I took my first breath on this earth. Joy overwhelms my heart to reflect on the incredibly power of His love.  There is nothing that compares with it. His love makes all things work together for my good. When He loves me I experience the deepest parts of my heart being satisfied. And somehow I know that He delights greatly in the moments when I fully let Him come in and love me. When I let Him come in and satisfy the deepest longings of my heart, He rejoices.  In the moments of hard painful surrender, He is calling me deeper into His heart.  He knows what comes after the pain. He knows I will know Him better. He knows I will know more of His heart.

He is calling me deeper into His heart. And as I adventure deeper, I am transformed and He receives glory. The words of my mouth are different, my actions are not the same, the desires of my heart are different. I am not the same. I desire to do His will and not my own. I am willing to walk into the pain and darkness because I just want others to know the love that burns in my heart. I am willing to do what others would call crazy because I want to see His face. I have learned that in the hardest moments, that is when He is most visible.

How could I not be head over heels in love with a God who chooses to glorify Himself in loving me, in satisfying the deepest longings of my heart? It's not a choice, it's just a response to experiencing a love that nothing else can even compete with.

He is love and He is mine.

Learning to be Loved...

I feel like the last 6 months have been an intense lesson of learning how God loves me.  

This is what I have learned:

He loves us enough to hurt us

Before you go thinking I'm crazy, let me explain. 

I put this together in Honduras.

God says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2 NIV

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.

Romans 5:3-5 NLT

Jesus takes us through the hard things because He knows that if we aren't forced to come to the end of our own ability, if we don't have to completely rely on His strength then we won't.  We will simply try do all things in our strength and He receives little glory. In life, when all seems lost and broken and painful, He can see what is come to come. He can see the beauty just over the mountain. He just asks us to let Him be our strength to get to the top.  So, when we let Him help us, He gives us the strength to do the impossible, and He receives all glory. This is an extremely painful process, but oh so incredibly worth it. We gain a new perspective of His love. A perspective that holds an indescribable beauty.

His love is constant

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us form God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below--indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

His love is not dependent on our actions or response to Him.  His love has always been and always will be. He has known my face, my heart, my every sin. And He has loved me enough to take the punishment deserved for sin.  He knew I would stubbornly resist His love. He knew I would never be able to fully comprehend His love while on earth, but He that didn't stop Him. He saw how I would rejoice in Him as I learned of His love. He saw how He could be glorified in my life.  He saw how His love could transform my life and be used to transform the lives around me.  He saw the beauty that would come, so He suffered. He was beaten to the point of death. He has loved me enough to take the punishment deserved for my sin. And when it seemed the enemy had won, He rose from the dead. He returned in glory.  He returned to make His love known among the earth. He returned to make His love known in my heart. He returned to set the captive free.

So, this is what I have learned the last couple of months....He lets us experience pain of coming to the end of ourselves, so that we know the strength of His healing love. And His love is not affected by my lack of obedience or understanding. His love is forever. His love is extravagant.

Be Loved-Christy Nockels

Have you ever let yourself be loved by the one who made you?

Have you every told yourself to believe that His heart is on your side?

You could even try to run away, but there is nothing you can do

So just be loved, be loved, He loves you

Have you ever let yourself be held by the One who holds this world?

Have you ever told your soul to rejoice that His arms are open wide?

You could even try to run away, but He'd come running after you

So just be held, be held, He holds you

We didn't earn it, He just chose to give it, 

and it's in our resting that we rise up singing rejoice,

again I say rejoice.

You are loved, be loved, He loves you.

On to a new chapter and into the glorious

Life is like an exciting book, and every year starts a new chapter. -Unknown

This is the quote I found in my journal today. God is sovereign.  Today, on the eve of a new chapter, I am reflecting on God's faithfulness.

He has been faithful to provide an amazing place in Ames, to allow me to create a solid foundation of faith, on which, I will build the rest of my life.  He was faithful to bring amazing people into my life to teach me just the right lesson and speak the right truth at just the right time. He was faithful to provide sound Bible teaching. He was faithful to provide a place where I could learn to worship Him freely and imtimately. He has been faithful to take me out of my comfort zone and challenge me to move to Cedar Falls.  He has been faithful to get me into graduate school and fill me truth the take on the challenges that I will face the next two years.

Yes, God has been incredibly faithful, but I have been incredibly faithless.

If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

I am ashamed to admit that if you have walked the last 6 months with me, you know how I have worried and doubted God. How I have feared God's provision of all that I need.  But in my faithlessness God has provided a great job, the most amazing new home, incredible new friends, and a new place to worship.

My life is proof that in faithlessness, He is faithful.

So, I want to try something new this school year.  Instead of looking all that I will have to accomplish this semester, I will choose to trust.  I will choose to have faith. Faith that God will push me to the end of the possible, so that I might see Him do the impossible in my daily life. Yes, this is most definitely going to hurt. Coming to end of yourself is never pleasant, but I will have faith that God will meet me there and usher me into the glorious-into a more intimate knowledge of His abundant love.

No song better describes my heart stepping into this new year, this new chapter....

Out from the ordinary into extraordinary,

And this is a heart cry, from my life to say I love, 

Lord, I love you,

Take me deeper,

I can hear You calling, inviting me in,

Into the glorious

Jesus Loves Me--the murderer

Part of a journal entry from July 27th...

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

~Jesus, thank you. Thank you for bearing my sin on the cross. You were perfect, but boar the weight of my sin. Willing to get messing and take on the full punishment of my sin--killing You. My sin was heavy enough to kill You. But because of Your power You overcame death. You not only overcame death, but You chose to love the murderer. The very person who's sins killed You. You love her more than she will ever comprehend. You love her beyond what she can see. Even as she grows in understanding of Your love she will still doubt, still fear, still desire her own will and make her own her plans. But You will pursue her with faithfulness and goodness. Determined for her to know Your perfect love for her. Because the Cross was just the beginning of Your displaying Your love to her.~

Jesus loves me, a murderer. And you loves you too. He is love. He defines love. And He is enough.

Washing hair-Honduran style!

How adorable is she!?

6 weeks ago today I was in Honduras, having finished up my first day in children's ministry.  That was quite a day.  If you know me or read my blog at all, you know my heart for the orphaned and children. As you can imagine, I was fairly excited to spend time with these children in foreign countries that I have been fantasizing about showing Jesus' love to for quite some time now...we're talking years.

However, in my flesh I am so weak.  The first night in Honduras we were told specifically how we would have to wash lice of the children's hair.  Like decipher who had lice and who didn't, scrub lice shampoo in their hair, and then dump ice cold water on their heads (though they never flinched), and reshampoo and condition their hair, and finally comb out the dead lice.

Again, if you know me you know crawling things freak me out and I'm a slight freak about germs.  So this lice business was totally out of my comfort zone and not something I was looking forward to. Honestly, I was kinda hoping I could do something else within the children ministry, but in God's sovereignty He completely changed my heart. 

² The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. ³ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴ so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵ After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

John 13:2-5

You can bet that this scripture was the topic of the sermon our team heard at the Honduran church service we attended the Sunday before we started our week serving the people of Honduras. So, if Jesus, the most perfect and holy man to walk on earth, knowing the disciples wretchedness, can take off His outer garments and kneel to wash disgusting feet then...How the heck am I to tell Him, who was crucified for me (hung across with nails piercing through His hands for all my sin), "Um, I'm not really comfortable washing lice of these children's hair, so could I do something else?"

Answer: I didn't. I humbled myself at the foot of the Cross and washed those beautiful children's hair. And you know what? Next to praying with all the women in evangelism, washing their hair was my favorite thing!! I loved being able to wash it (semi)-clean and to pray over each child as I did it. Don't you enjoy having your head rubbed and hair washed? I do and I got to do that for many Honduran children who rarely get their hair washed. I loved it and I got to do it standing next to two other women from my team. I loved be able to serve as team, side-by-side, showing these children Jesus the best we can. 

 Waiting...

I will never forget this little guy's face.

Getting hair brushed after it's all clean...

These girls hung around both days we were in their neighborhood.

"Always a Bridesmaid"..and loving it ;)

I thought it would be fun to reflect and share some photos from all the weddings I have been blessed to be in the last 4 months. God has taught me something from each wedding.

The first wedding I was in was a friend, Jenny,  who's studying at Iowa State, but came to Ames from Taiwan. It was amazing to that when God has a plan to bring two people together, oceans will not keep them apart.

Jenny and her bridesmaids :)

The second wedding I was in was a friend who I have known since I was five.  At this wedding I came to the shocking realization that ready or not, we are now grown-ups. Read more about my thoughts here.

Brittany and Will Bartz

My friend Jaime, was the next to get married. Seeing how God has brought them together as been such a blessing. The emphasis at their wedding ceremony was the reminder of a great wedding day described in Revelations, where we (the church) are considered God's bride.

⁶ Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

“Hallelujah!
    For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
⁷ Let us rejoice and be glad
    and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
    and his bride has made herself ready.
⁸ Fine linen, bright and clean,
    was given her to wear.”

(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)

⁹ Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” 

Revelation 19: 6-9

Jaime and Nathan Brinkman

 

Another friend from high school, Kelsey, got married this past weekend.  The bride and groom have been friends since middle school and Jharred said he just always knew he would marry Kelsey. Yup, you can do a collective "awww..."Their friendship has lasted about a decade and now they are husband and wife. I love that :)

I really really love wedding days.  I love seeing the excitement on the bride's face in the morning as she comes to the realization that she is getting married today!! I love seeing her get readying--hair and make-up and dress--and then seeing her face as she looks at herself in the mirror, knowing she is beautiful. I love seeing the groom look at his bride in adoration of her beauty.  I love being able to stand-up next to them as they each make one of the largest commitment they will ever make--to love the person standing across from them for rest of their lives. I love being able to now see what God has in store for each couple as husband and wife :)

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love does not envy

Love does not boast

Love is not proud

Love always protects

Love always trusts

Love always hopes

Love always perseveres

Love never fails

1 Cor. 13

3 Weeks Ago...

Becky and I ready for Day 1!!

This is what I was doing 3 weeks ago. I was in Honduras, starting our first brigade day.  Looking back I think that Monday was my favorite day of the whole trip.  I got to do adult evangelism!!

This meant that I got to sit next to an amazing translator as those who received medical care would come to our area, for us to share the Gospel with them or just encourage them in their walk with God. Most of them were woman who had many children and most likely no husband.  I was a little nervous about being able to have the strength to hear their stories and not fall apart and feel completely overwhelmed by their pain. But, God is faithful!

Monday morning I was journaling before we left for the day and this is the verse that was in my journal...

"For the spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners." Isaiah 61:1

God reminded me that this is what He has gifted me with being able to do. He has given me the desire to come along side those who are hurting because of hard life circumstances, and to love and encourage them. That's what I LOVE doing! And He brought me to Tegucigalpa to meet the 14 women I met to day and love them like Jesus for the 15-20 minutes I got to spend with them. 

And as I met with them God met with both of us.  God gently loved me, whiled I loved them.  As I listened to their hurts and heard their prayer requests, I realized my extreme inability to help them.  Their circumstances were beyond anything I could help with and their pain was too deep for me to heal in just 15-20 minutes. So, I did the only thing I knew to do, pray. I couldn't help them, but I have learned that when I am weak, God is strong.  So, I held their hands and lifted up their needs to the One who gives us exactly what we need when we need it, despite when we think we need it. I asked God to meet their needs and protect them, that was why I was there. I wasn't there to help them find jobs or save them from alcoholic and abusive sons or husbands. I wasn't there to help to single moms take care of their 6 children. [Although, you can bet I wanted to ;)] I was there to tell them about Jesus and about how He helps them and strengthens them.  I reminded them of the hope in Heaven. That's why God brought our two very different lives together for a short time here on earth.

One family, seeking after God despite hard circumstances.

Some of the ladies on our team..rockin' the scrubs look all week :)

What evangelism looks like...a translator, a North American,
and a patient

So, that was my first brigade day. Loving those women and coming before God with them and lifting them up. I loved every short moment of it. It truly was a desire fulfilled. I can't wait until I can do more of it, but for now I'm being equipped through graduate school.  That's what God has and He knows best. So, I wait patiently (most of the time) until I get to do it again ;)

Honduras!

I realized that I never mentioned on my blog that I was planning on going on a missions trip, but I will declare it now!
I left the U.S! I have stamp in my passport to prove it!!
About a week ago, I arrived back in the U.S. after one incredible week in Tegucigalpa, Honduras.  In an effort to not forget the work God did in my heart and the things He showed me there, I have decided to blog a little bit each week until I run out of things to say about it.  Warning: you might be reading about Honduras for the next few months ;)

 Where to start.....probably the beginning of the trip??

After we landed at the airport in Tegucigalpa we took a 50 minute bus ride up the mountain to La Casa De Esperanza (House of Hope), where we would be staying for the week.   

This bus ride was shocking for two main reasons.

Reason One: the way people drive. 

I have heard many stories about driving habits in other countries, but to experience it myself was awesome! It was crazy and wonderful and I loved it so much! Every bus ride was quite the adventure due the people we would see, the scenery we would see, the conversations we would have, and the things we would almost hit but by God's grace didn't.

Our incredible bus driver for the week:

Reason Two: the way people live.

Again, I have heard stories from people who have gone to various countries and seen poverty, I have seen pictures of poverty, and I even saw pictures of the poverty specifically in Tegucigalpa before I left, but I still wasn't prepared to see it myself.  I just wanted to cry the whole way up there, but in the best sort of way.  What I saw broke my heart and I pray continually that God will break my heart for what breaks His (maybe this is why I cry all the time).

What I saw was terrible. Cement shacks, one on top of the other (see picture 1), with tall brick walls around them and barbwire on-top of the walls.  People just standing around and doing nothing, not able to work was my assumption. Shoeless small children walking alone along the main road for anyone to take and use as they pleased.  Random donkeys and people in the grassy median that separated the four lanes of traffic. These people had no material things and no real purpose it seemed. At least in the U.S. we have material things right to mask the meaninglessness of life without Christ right?

  And so as soon as I got to my new bedroom I crawled up on my top bunk and wept.  I wept for the hurt and pain experienced by the people that I would meet the coming week. From what I saw, life in Tegucigalpa is hard.

Here is the very first sentences from in my journal I had in Honduras (written as a cried in my bed):

 "Without You there is no hope. Without You there is no purpose.

But with You there is unending hope and we get the greatest purpose bestowed on us:

TO GLORIFY THE KING."

(underlined and capitalized in my journal too)

And I as my heart broke, I still felt that God was moving in Tegucigalpa.  That wasn't because I could see Him physically. All my eyes saw were poverty and oppression, but there was something inside of me that knew there was something in the unseen that was good.  And I was determined to spend the coming week seeking God's glory in Tegucigalpa. After all, God finally brought me to a foreign country and darn it, I was going to see what He was doing there!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Growing Up...

Have you ever had that moment when you think "Am I really old enough for this?" This is the experience I had this past weekend as I watched my oldest and closest friend get married.

Last day of Kindergarten-1994                                                             Brittany's Wedding-2012

Every little girl dreams of her wedding day. It's just the way God made us I think. I definitely remember sitting on the couch in Brittany's room (because her room was huge) talking about boys, looking at bridal dresses in magazines her mom had gotten, and dreaming about our wedding days. At one point we might have dreamed up a double wedding ;) That truly doesn't seem that long ago.  But somehow time passes and she met the man of her dreams, we graduated high school, we went to Iowa State, she called me and told me she was engaged, and we went wedding dress shopping for real!  This was all great and it happened so gradually that it didn't seem that big of a deal.  However, I went home for her bridal shower a few months ago and I distinctly remember the moment when I was putting laundry in the washer at my parents house when I thought "Oh my gosh, Brittany's getting married." Tears filled my eyes then and they do now as I write this.

I'm not sure I can put into words how I felt/feel.  We're not little girls anymore.  We're not running around her farm and jumping on the trampoline, we're not going on family vacations to their cabin, we're not dressing up in our cute little 'Just for Kix' costumes, and I'm not even scared of dogs anymore. 

We only have one life and it goes fast.  And in this one life I think there are stages.  The stage of silliness and childishness is wonderful! I am so blessed to have been able to walk through the last 16 years with a wonderful friend, but the days of childishness are past. As I got to read at Brittany's wedding "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." 1 Cor. 13:11

 

So, we have come the stage of being an adult. In this stage we get to take the wisdom we have gained the last 16 years and use it to serve others. In this stage we get to do fun things like get a job that really matters, and decide who you want to marry and start a family with. I am so excited to see Brittany come into the role of wife and see how her new husband does with his role as well ;) 


So...ready or not...we are now grown ups!

Mr. and Mrs. Will Bartz

What is love?

"And so the policemen came over and over again, and took us away and my mama cried in the back of that police car, hands cuffed, and she told me that she loved me. And I knew in my little heart, as I looked up at her, tears streaming and mascara running, I knew that she really did love me. She just couldn't make it work."

This is the link to the post written by a woman who has been able to take her past hurts and see the beauty God has created from it.

Reading this blog post and seeing parents interact with their children at my internship this past semester, I found that to be true-the parents do love their children.  Parents who struggle to provide for their children or struggle to "love" them the way we think they should, do not do it for lack of loving their child.  Just because a parent losses their temper with their child or can't quit smoking or doing drugs or overcome a mental illness for their child, does not mean they don't love them. Does this mean they should have custody of them? No, but I think they do still love them.   I think that a lot of the time they can't adequately express that love because they have never been shown what love looks like.  Many of them have had parents who struggle with the very same thing they are struggling with.

Disclaimer: I am not sure how a parent could love their child and sexually abuse them, but there as to be some kind of love bond between a parent and child now matter what right??? The jury is still out on that one for me. Feel free to comment if you have any thoughts on that. But...

How do you know what love is? I know love because God has shown me His love by allowing Jesus to die an excruciating death on the Cross.  God's love is patient, kind, slow to anger, gentle, gracious, compassionate, faithful, and selfless. And before I was able to really comprehend what His love was like I was shown His love through the love of my parents.  My parents knew how to love me this way because their parents first loved them the very same way. Since Jesus has shown me and told me, I know what love is. And I know He calls me to share that love with others.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I feel it is important for us, as followers of Christ, to show His love to those who have never seen it before. I have seen that when you love with His love it is powerful and effective.  I mean, it captivated and changed your heart didn't it? I know it captivated mine, so how could it not captivate and change theirs as well?

God's Heart for the Oppressed

Facts:

• Every day 5,760 more children become orphans
• Each day 38,493 orphans age out (are released from the orphanage because of their age)
• Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family to belong to and no place to call home
• These studies also show that 60% of the girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become hardened criminals
• Another study reported that of the 15,000 orphans aging out of state-run institutions every year, 10% committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years…
• An estimated 1.2 million children are trafficked every year; (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)
• 2 million children, the majority of them girls, are sexually exploited in the multibillion-dollar commercial sex industry. (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)

(From http://www.orphanhopeintl.org/facts-statistics/)

Over the last year, as I have pursued God's heart for the orphaned, I have learned about the atrocity that is called human trafficking/prostitution.  If you read the facts above you will see how orphans and trafficking/prostitution are clearly closely related. These kids are not just numbers. Grouping the children together-1.2 million children trafficked-does not describe the individual lives that are being destroyed by men buying them for sex . Each one of the children that make up the 1.2 million child has a story. Each child has lost their parents most likely and some have even been sold into the sex industry by their parents. But, each child has been given life by the Creator, who gave you and me life. Therefore, their life is just as valuable as yours and mine. 

These trafficked children are being raped numerous times a day.  They are being fed little and some are kept in cages.  They likely know no human touch, except when they are being raped by men buying them for sex. They are full of shame and guilt for the life that they must live. Each trafficking situation is different, but they likely include one or all of these.

What is God's heart for these children?

He declares them His alone:

³ For this is what the Lord says:

“You were sold for nothing,
    and without money you will be redeemed. ”

Isaiah 52:3

He gave them Jesus:

“1Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
    my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
    and he will bring justice to the nations. "

3...in faithfulness he will bring forth justice...
4 He will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
    In his teaching the islands will put their hope.” 

Isaiah 42:1, 3-4 

He anoints us to help in His releasing them from captivity:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners.."

Isaiah 61:1

 

So that's what I'm doing. God has a different plan for all of us, but I am attempting to live my life in a way that is completely given to God for Him to use for His purposes, which for me I believe is the release and healing of these children.

Seeking God...Living for a Wedding Day

Changes cause reflection and I have experienced many changes recently, so I have been doing a lot of reflecting and here are some of my thoughts. They are revealing and honest, but here they are.

I look at the lives of a couple of women around me and at my own life and see that we have come out of a hard season. The seasons vary in difficulty, but they were still hard. The overall lesson learned after reflection: Seeking God is hard, but worth it to know more of His heart.

Sometimes seeking God's face isn't always going to be easy or fun.  Sometimes it means forgiving when you really don't want to and by worldly standards you really shouldn't have to forgive them. Sometimes it means giving up the comforts of your life to love the orphaned, when the orphaned don't necessarily even want/trust the love you offer.  It means giving your life fully to the healing of the brokenhearted without ever receiving a thank you.

Sometimes seeking God's face means trusting Him even if there seems to be quite a few unanswered prayers.  Sometimes it means choosing to trust Him when nothing makes any sense.  When you thought you had it all figured out and God reveals that He has different plans (and trusting that the different plans are better than your own).  To seek God's face no matter what circumstance you find yourself in. To trust that He is enough to get you through whatever heartache or hardship is happening in your life.

Sometimes following God means choosing to seek Him, although you may be completely worn out and just plain tired of seeking Him. Sometimes is a conscious choice to trust Him. Sometimes you have to choose to seek Him even when you feel the weight of the pain of the circumstance you or someone you love is experiencing and the weight feels heavier than what you can bear. 

To follow God means trusting Him and His goodness though pain and suffering seems to be all you can see.  If He is good then why is there all the pain and suffering? I have learned that there is not a simple textbook answer.  I have learned that God is far bigger than my question. While He loves me, He has not given me a mind that can comprehend all that He has done, is doing, and will do.  I must trust Him for the things of today and tomorrow, knowing that He is good-no matter what. And I as trust Him, I will fall deeper in love with Him. This is His desire and this is what is happening in my life.

And in reflection of the hard seasons I have seen God come through so clearly in both my life and my friends.  I have listened to these women speak of the wisdom they have gained and been so encouraged by their ability to stay steadfast in faith--no matter what. I am so grateful for the example of that these women, whose faith is solid and unchanging. If they can trust Jesus with the hard things then so can I and together we see Jesus move in both our lives.

So after the hard season this is what has happened. My faith has been strengthened and I know God's heart better.  I am more in love with Him, the Creator of my heart. I trust Him and trust that one day I will see His face and experience a wedding day, standing before the Lover of my soul dressed in white. Knowing that everything I did for Him was not in vain, but absolutely worth it to show my love and devotion to Him, for He is love and He is good.

My weakness and His strength

Do you ever get to the point where you have had enough? Where you truly come to the end of your flesh? You know that point where you honestly come before God and say "I want to do what you are asking me to do, but I can't do it in my flesh. I need Your strength." Or sometimes there's the "I don't want to do what You are asking me and seriously doubt my ability to do that anyway, so You're gonna have to change my heart AND give me the strength the do what You're asking me.." These are truly conversations that happen in my head (well, i might whine a little more in my head but you get the point).  This semester has been filled with more of these conversations than in any previous semester.  

Honestly, these conversations hurt. If you have had these experiences you know what I'm talking about. We as humans really like to rely on our flesh and would rather avoid painful experiences, but Jesus is changing my heart towards wanting to avoid hard things-so much to the point that trials are almost exciting.  Because I know that after the pain and tears I will know God's love in such a deeper way.  That doesn't mean that the process isn't difficult.  This process in my life looks something like this: First, comes the revelation of my sin-followed by tears.  Then I have to humbly confess it and not just to God, but to a trusted friend(s)-more tears. Then this is when Jesus' beauty is a little more evident because my friends can speak correction and encouragement into the sin in my heart-more tears at the revelation of His beauty. Jesus meets me in the mess of my heart and shines a new light.  A transforming light. It hurts, but there is beauty (and joyful tears) to be found there.

This past semester has very much been about God clearly displaying the weakness of my flesh and my inability to do what God is asking, and all about God's strength.  When I cannot walk anymore, He carries me.  This is the relationship we have:  He asks me to do something and I say "No thanks God, I'm clearly too weak for that." BUT, when you tell God you are too weak for something then you better be careful because He is likely to lead you to do that very thing and His strength will be clearly on display the whole time. It's like He is flexing His muscles. After I tell Him no thanks, He proceeds to change my heart AND gives me the strength to do it.

So, what was the biggest lesson I learned this semester?  I am incredibly weak and God is incredibly strong. Paul had some thoughts on this...

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Where is the Beauty?

²⁷ Then the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around him. ²⁸ They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, ²⁹ and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. ³⁰ They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. ³¹After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him. 

Matthew 27:27-31

God has been challenging me to see what His beauty really looks like.  It is easy to see His beauty when things are easy and going "right".  It is easy to see His beauty when the sun is shining, birds are singing, and big puffy white clouds are floating overhead.  It is easy to see His beauty in a child's smile who knows they are safe and dearly loved by their parents. It is easy to see His beauty in the scriptures when it describes Jesus sitting among the people and children, listening intently to Him preach.

But is there beauty when it's rain in coming down so hard that you can't see?  Where is the beauty in the death of a loved one, when someone is sexually assaulted, when suffering comes, when darkness seems to be inescapable?  Where is the beauty when evil seems to be overtaking all good things?  Where is the beauty in the King of the World, the One who loves perfectly, comes in flesh to this world and is stripped naked?  Where is the beauty when the One who holds my heart has blood dripping down His forehead from a crown of thorns? These things don't seem beautiful, but it is there we just have to look closer.

In my Jesus' nakedness and the dripping blood, my God is showing me His love.  He is in the process of writing the greatest love story I will ever know.  That a perfect God would send His perfect Son to earth, knowing that ones He came to save would beat Him close to death and hang Him on a cross to die.  Then three days after dying, the Son would rise.  He would come back to life, conquering death.  Showing that even in pain, suffering, and death, God's love could not be hidden.  His beauty cannot be hidden. 

Even in the ugly of the world, God uses suffering to draw us ever nearer to Him. Where is the beauty in death? Death of loved one means that they finally get to experience Heaven, a place where there is no pain or suffering. And those remaining on earth must rely even more on God. Where is the beauty in sexual assault? It can bring life into the world and that baby can bless a family who couldn't have a baby on their own. Or the process of healing from the assault could lead the survivor to know Jesus for the very first time.  I am not saying that these things are not devastating and cause your entire world to change. They are incredibly difficult things to experience and require a process of grieving, but there is beauty to be found in even the ugliest of situations.

So when things look ugly and terrible on the surface, if the situation looks awful and painful, full of darkness, I am learning to look deeper. I am learning to look with the eyes Jesus died to give me.  That does not mean I don't weep over the pain or that my heart doesn't break when I see these things.  But with these new eyes He has given me, God is unveiling a deeper beauty that causes me to fall ever deeper in love with the One who made ALL THINGS beautiful.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

A Story of Healing...

If you know me and/or have been following my blog for any amount of time you know how my heart breaks for children who have been abused, orphaned, trafficked, or anything such as those. The greatest desire of my heart is to be God's hands and feet to help these children find true healing from all the evil that has been done to them.  So when I read this post my heart broke and then was filled with joy and amazement at the stories of redemption that God writes.  His stories hold more beauty then we could possibly image.


"And every day I'm thankful that I've been rescued and that my life has been redeemed by the God who can make beauty from a mess. And I'm thankful for a family who became His hands and feet to reach out with a love that heals—reached out to the likes of me." 

Read the rest here --> http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2048

For HIS Glory

He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake. 

Psalm 23:3

I am SO EXCITED!! to finally know where I will be in the fall.  While plans have changed numerous times I have made a final decision. However, yesterday after I finally decided what to do, God took a firm hold of my heart and mind and reminded me why exactly I am going where I am going. Skip to last paragraph if you don't want to read all this. The main point of the post is summarized there ;)

 Plans fail for lack of counsel,
   but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs 15:22

I cannot describe how grateful I am for God placing me in the community of believers He has. I talked with many people in making the decision.  One thing they all made very clear to me was that God will be glorified no matter what decision I choose. He is jealous for His glory and He is absolutely right to be so jealous for His glory. Praise the Lord for many wise advisers because if it hadn't been for numerous people clearly explaining benefits of graduate school, I definitely would not be going.  I had felt like God was pointing me in different direction.  God was definitely opening doors for me to work in a residential treatment facility for children with behavior problems.  And sometimes when I get my eyes really fixed on something I feel God is leading me towards its hard for me to see what else He might be doing.

But the night before I was going to call and except the job offer at the residential place, I got an acceptance letter from UNI for the Master's in Social Work program.  I was honestly very much closed to the idea of grad school and said I was definitely not going!  I wanted to just make a final decision. No more indecision!! But after talking with my brother and his wife, it seemed like grad school was something I actually needed to consider. So, as I am trying to make a very important decision that will affect the next two years of my life, I went to Salt Company (Student ministry). The talk was on making decisions in a way that honors God.  REALLY?? God definitely knows what He is doing! Why do we ever doubt His sovereignty?

It was so great. One of the things Alex said was how sometimes, God is more concerned about the motivation behind the question than the question itself. Or we can ask God the wrong question. And that sometimes God presents two options for us to choose from, neither of which are necessarily wrong.  Instead, He wants us to seek wisdom and for us to choose.  God will make His name great in either decision we make.  Jeepers...this could not more describe my situation!!

So, I closely examined my heart motivation why I would or would not want to attend grad school.  God did some pulling up of weeds in my heart. I had to change the question from "Which choice will better equip me?" to "Which choice will bring the most glory to Your name and serve to best further Your Kingdom?" While the first question isn't all that bad, the second one does not include the words 'me', 'my', or 'I'-lest I forget the focus, which is God and not myself.  After seeking wisdom, praying, and a few tears (though much less than you might expect ;]), I have decided to attend UNI to get my Master's in Social Work!! With which I hope to become a therapist after I gradate, but we'll see if that's still the case in 2 years ;)

But God revealed to me through this whole thing that I am getting my MSW for His glory.  While I will be attaining more knowledge to help people who have experienced trauma (among other things) and will be able to make slightly more money and have more job options, these are NOT my main reason for choosing what I did.  For HIS glory, I will go get my MSW, so that for HIS glory I can help people heal and know Jesus as their Savior and Healer.  True healing only comes through Jesus. And for HIS glory, the people I help might someday be able to tell their story and help others heal and know Jesus as their Savior and Healer .  There is bigger picture He is painting than just mine. It's not about me, but all for HIS glory.

He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake. 

Psalm 23:3