Consolatta

So I was watching this video and my heart broke. This woman is my age.  She has been deserted by her family, raped, and no long able to walk.  When I watch this video I feel two main emotions. Guilt. Guilty that I have like a family who loves me, two working legs, and never experienced great suffering.  I also feel pity.  Pity for her and how sad a situation she is in.

It is quite possible that I would have forgotten about this girl in about a week.  But then God started stirring in my heart.  These videos are created for a reason. For more than just 5 minutes of pity and guilt. God changed these emotions to compassion, but I want to live my life to help woman such as her.  Children who have been abandoned, raped, prostituted, abused, and left to feel more emotions than they can possibly handle.  I want to watch God transform their lives.  I want to tell them they are not just a number or a video I saw once.  I want to look them in the eye and tell them the God of universe sent His perfect Son to die, so that He could one day hold you in His hand and tell you of His love for you.

I soon realize my pity and guilt will get Consolatta no where, but God is in her life.  He is revealing His love in her life.  The fact that she can get in front of a camera and tell her story is AMAZING!  He is revealing His glory through her.  I don't know this woman anymore than this video that is a little under 5 minutes, but I want to be a servant to a God who is as powerful enough to bring her from where she was to where she is now.

The best part is..He isn't done in her life and He isn't done in mine.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, 

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor. 

Isaiah 61:1-3

Romans 8:28

Across the will of nature
Lead on the path of God;
Not where the flesh delighteth
The feet of Jesus trod.
~Amy Carmichael

My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace,
Not even blessing, but Himself, my God.
~Oswald Chambers

WARNING:the following is sappy reflections so if you don't like sappiness return to facebook :)

So I feel like all words I have been writing the last few months about living uncomfortably and facing anxiety will be things I will come face to face with in this next season of my life. I will be moving out of the beloved apartment 4. It is a lot harder than I ever expected. So much life has happened in this apartment. It is the first place I have called home since my parents house. Like when I'm on long vacations I long to come home to apt. 4. It's home, I decorated it with my roomies, I learned to cook here, I learned what being a good roommate and friend looks like, I became a real adult here. I learned to make more decisions on my own. I learned how to pay bills. I learned a deeper level of selflessness. I learned to clean a bathroom. (thanks natalie!) And many many more things. And over the last few years through every roommate change and learning all this, one amazing friend has been there the whole time. But now I have chosen to leave a place I call home and some wonderful roommates. I have a new found respect of people who move around all time or have to face changes more often than I do. I know I'm being awfully dramatic for only moving 5 miles away, but hey its my blog, so I get to write what I want ;)

All that being said I am also INCREDIBLY excited for what God has in store. Here is the part that brings that uncomfortable and fear/anxious stuff. Adjusting to a new living space in always uncomfortable and learning to live with a new person and hoping she don't notice ALL my flaws right away. But also living on campus with a whole bunch of new freshman...this I'm kinda excited for, but also praying for patience :) I'm also taking the largest number of credits I have ever taken, along with work, volunteering, and leadership stuff. Its bit overwhelming, but I don't say it to complain. Instead to say that because I will have to face my fear of doing what seems like a lot of things in my eyes. I know that all this will cause me to rely on God more. There is absolutely no way I can do any of things well without Him. When I'm not at my very weakest, it's easier for me to miss what God does. So I go into this is semester very much aware of my fleshes weakness and fear, but knowing that Jesus has walked before me preparing a way. I am so excited to see who God brings into my life and what He has to teach me and the people around me. It's going to be good :)

He promises!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

So stay tuned...this fall will be full of stupid stories and lessons learned. That's it for now, I'm off to enjoy summer for one more month! :)